I feel miserable, can't drink that much when I go out
We've been saying that since '98
dude I just sharted for the first time ever, kind of gross
well what did you think, shitting your pants would be fun
Thats the last time I go out drinking with my Irish friends. Two shots of flaming sambucca = bar on fire. I was only trying to high five the barman.
Dude manswers just said that a guy can only cum up to eight times in one day. I'm gonna prove that show wrong.
ha well at least you have goals.
I just don't have the heart to tell my mom you peed in our washer machine last night.
creepy tank top guy is at campus health. he's hitting on a girl recovering from a panic attack.
Drunk sex destroyed my coffee table... ikea this weekend?
I made him recite stats from the playoffs game last night before I would go down on him.
THAT DOESN'T MEAN YOU SHOULD LET ME CHUG VODKA.
im standing in line right now while the 711 manager calls other locations to see if they have the john cena collectors slurpee cup in stock...yep i need to get laid
We are magical, pot smoking, smart as hell, single as fuck, woodland dolphins.
Some guy I've never met before just came outside and started rolling a blunt on our fence and passed it around to all six of us. At eight in the morning. Today's gonna be weird.
Just went grocery shopping with a vibrator in my purse and didn't even realize it. This is what Saturdays are made for.
Such a shame we didn't work out. We would've been a power couple producing NFL linemen :/
Jack and I got in a huge fight at 6am. He fell asleep when I was giving him head so I freaked. We were both black out so I made a memo in my phone reminding me
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