I had new employee orientation at the YMCA today. I showed up with a hangover, a black eye, scratches down my arm, and a sore throat from puking gin and keystone.
i'm officially boycotting relationships. hello random hook ups and treating men like meat.
right. well i dont plan on getting laid till i find a respectable girl that i can make unrespectable
it's like i need an invisible sign across my boobs that says "DOESN'T HAVE DADDY ISSUES" that only old men can see
When you get home we need to compare our schedules and set up masturbation slots. I'm scares of you walking in on me. Again.
She said i kept moaning her moms name instead of hers
I made him sleep with a condom on and i passed out on the carpet with only a bra on.
Dude this breakup has officially hit rock bottom. sitting around watching women's NCAA basketball instead of going out
I think the main reason you were throwing up so much was the quart of soap you chugged trying to burp bubbles. you came close
I have to talk to myself and be all "you are NOT horny tonight"
I just don't know about this life anymore. Quite frankly I think I belong up there in the great blue, lounging on a cloud sippin tea with Jesus
My lecture teach is passed out next to me. I think I'm doing pretty good for a freshman.
Plus who wants to live somewhere tom jerked off? No one.
We climaxed at the same time during ain't no mountain high enough. Does it get more cheesy or domestic for a non relationship?
When the nurses wouldn't let him smoke in the hospital he decided to just roll around on the floor.
Randomize
