I swear to god I'm with a high end prostitute right now and shes the most interesting person I've ever met. She just took me in to share an evening.
And as an added bonus she seems to have gotten a blood stain out of my favorite t-shirt
I just googled maps his house, and took the virtual tour back to my apartment, just so I could visualize the walk of shame in the morning
he used a semicolon in his bootycall text, of course he's not gonna go down on me.
I am 100% positive that I have seen a porno that was shot in this bar.
You act like this is the first time I literally thought I was invisible.
I just had to give myself a pep talk to stop lying on my floor. Literally too hung over to function
It was a sobriety test blowjob. If he could get it up, he could get me home.
Remember when you tried to pay that stripper to cry on stage?
She told me that when she orgasms she just lays there like that baby from teenmom. Who the fuck says that
If youre wondering about the smell, i set your hamster on fire. But don't worry he's ok
I had another sex dream about you but it was very dissatisfying. As you finished you starting singing the star spangled banner. then you left. I was not amused.
Can we talk about how she only slept with you because you remind her of a member of a K-pop group?
Tip of the day: Don't Amazon vibrators when your WHOLE FAMILY uses your prime account. There's dildo after dildo showing up in my "Related to Items You've Viewed" category on the home page.
What happened last night and why am I partially covered in queso?
Sitting naked, eating lucky charms with rain boots on
Randomize
