Good thing you left when you did - ended up getting banned from jimmy johns.
I just figured out that you can toast a marshmallow with a butter knife and a cigarette lighter. I'm like a retarded Mister Wizard
this is your 3rd pregnancy scare in 2 years, I think its time for you to re-evaluate the whole 'im a lesbian' thing
Last night, I accomplished the impossible. I pissed while riding my bicycle home without pissing all over myself. My Dutch friends gave me a round of applause and said I was now the king of holland.
Sorry for locking you out after accusing you of eating my Skittles... I realized I was mistaken after just throwing up the rainbow.
Happiness was finding the hidden Gatorade in the fridge
there's a girl on facebook trying to buy me a pizza. I can't say no... right?
Everytime Our professor said "penis fencing" in class today we took shots.
The bong is packed and it's taco Tuesday come over
On a separate note, I just found out some condoms aren't vegan. Problem.
Hahahaha I can't wait for you to ask "wait. are there any animal by products in that?"
I just sent a snapchat of my boobs for Adderall. It's finals season.
A special kind of bond is formed between two people when they act as a pee shield for one another for drunken pisses in an alleyway
It’s like a buffet of marriages! Every option is available to you!
Had a very good bday. Have the teeth marks and bruises to prove it
Imp drunk. It'd free popcorn tuedday I love life.
Randomize
