We drank from noon till 5 am, there was adderall and nice jews involved it was just crazy
If I'm having a dream where I'm having sex and I can actually feel it between my legs because I've had a lot of it recently, does that make me a whore?
I have a feeling this is a serious question. Problem solve, Jess.. I'm going to let you figure that one out on your own
i woke up to her playing with my penis. just wiggling it around and around. awkward night? i would say so.
you know how you have to have just the right ratio of chips to sandwich? same goes for pubes.
who do I fuck, the girl waiting for me upstairs or her roomate making me mac and cheese right now?? This is the single hardest decision I've always wanted to have to make
Managed to discreetly puke out of a moving streetcar window, in front of no less than a dozen people. Nobody saw/said anything. I feel like a legit local now.
I'm sorry I kept calling you a pussy... but to be fair, you were being a pussy.
we convincced her parents we were only wasted meanwhile theire faces were morphing into one and i swear there was a reindeer in the background
I'm in this weird masturbatory haze making onion rings. If you want to come over we can eat these suckers and play TF2.
Why don't we hang out more often?
THEY HAVE VIAGRA FLAVORED GELATO
Just so you know, if I get bored tomorrow I WILL pretend to get drunk in the bathroom and crash the whole thing
Fuck me first. Then we can craft and watch Terminator 2.
Yes. I'm realizing that sports games are good reasons to drink. I just cheer when everyone else cheers.
I just got a snapchat of a flaccid penis with the caption "happy belated valentine's day." What did I do to deserve this
Taking a walk while tripping face during Halloween time was a bad idea. I started crying bc I was so scared and hide in the parks playground.
Randomize
