mom took my condoms, found one in the trash the next day
I know she was great
I want to poop on a bird, just to show them what it's like.
So there is a guy driving a robot around the college of engineering selling energy drinks
Let's cut to the chase. What days are we sleeping together this week?
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She suggested that I come visit her in Europe and hook up with the heteroflexible Korean who sits next to her in class. Polylove is the best love.
she found out just an hour ago that she might have cervical cancer. either way we're watching 50/50 and taking a shot of patron anytime anyone says cancer.
Straight up asked lady in a lime green jumpsuit how to make your ass clap. That thing wiggled more beautifully than ocean waves at sunset
In all honesty the person most likely to secretly slip me drugs would be ... Me
I'm a 23 year old adult who just ordered condoms online from Target because I'm still too embarrassed to buy them in the store.
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My body is telling me there was tequila. My pictures say it was Jeff's fault
I share a birthday weekend with Easter this year, so that fucking sucks. I hate sharing...and I have to share with fucking Jesus this year.\n
My mom has tinder, she is 45 and has her age setting at 18-29. And she still gets more matches than me
If you wanna fuck the pudding, fuck the pudding. Just not the chocolate, Im gonna eat that.
No way man ... This is real life. Complete sentences and everything.
So, 'head before the store' turned into a fuck fest, & that's how I ended up at the grocery store smelling like a cum farm on Black Friday. How's your weekend?
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