I woke up naked in my living room and my mom was next to me like we need to talk
high people should be assigned attendants
What did you want me to do? You know I don't like fat people. I'm an asshole to them sober it only gets worse when I'm drunk
That doesn't make it okay! You tried kicking the girl's mom out where we were having the party at!
Umm. Any where really. Alcohol and boobs. Those are the requirements.
This beer is not sobering me up at all
did you come by the house last night? I found a half eaten corn dog in the mail box.
I'm sorry I tried putting my balls in your cup holder.
In other words, he somehow found his way to my apartment, wasted, and was naked on my new couch. Completely naked. It was too special to pass up.
He said he wanted to make me his Twinkie, "filled with his delicious cream." ABSOLUTELY 100% NO YOU MAY NOT REPEAT ****NOT**** GIVE HIM MY NUMBER EVER EVER EVER. Please confirm receipt and full comprehension of this message.
I woke up to a 3rd person picture of my own dick sent from a 1-800 number..
I just had to close my blinds so my neighbors wouldn't see me drinking a beer at 9 am. GO CHIEFS!
We'll get you some ice cream, but no sprinkles. Sprinkles are for winners.
The girl in line in front of me at the grocery store is buying wine, m&m minis, a toothbrush, and condoms. Is it inappropriate to high-five her?
Can't really tell your Mom you are moody due to dick deprivation.
His mom just pulled off a quadruple cockblock. I'm not sure if I'm mad or impressed?
Randomize
