i woke up under my mattress pad with him laying naked next to me and his wwjd bracelet on my nightstand.
nice, that's exactly what jesus would do.
I was so high I thought there were pigeons in my room. Long story short there are now donut crumbs all around my bedroom.
Do you think I should make him wait for my responses or do you think sophomore have no concept of time like dogs?
I'm like the Mother Theresa of booty calls.
My face is tingly. And my legs are being massaged by golden elves.
just start off by saying "hey, i cockblocked my friend last night and need to make it up to him, could you help?"
My g-ma saw your dick-pic and wants you to know I've got a keeper. She says her big whopper died in Korea. Good thing g-pa is still asleep.
You don't realize how cold it really is...I poured my bong out the second floor window and icicles hit the ground.
Successfully put eye drops in while driving with my glasses on. Stoner level: expert
No matter how many miles separate us, I will always be here to get you through whiskey shots.
Pretty sure when I woke up the next morning we were still fucking. It just didn't stop.
I slid a quarter down a drunk man's butt crack last night. Qdoba gets rowdy
My roommate just woke up to me masturbating in our room. I figured this would happen eventually.
Ahhh, the bane of our relationship.... His mediocre penis
I just saw a guy walking down the street without a shirt on and holding a samari sword....
Randomize
