So after THIS dui, I've decided to stop driving. Not drinking, just quit driving.
so he just left - touched my cheek like he was gona kiss me and then gave me a fist bump?
This was worse than the time that I shot a bald eagle.
please tell me you didn't have sex with him in the bathroom...
Does an alley count?
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How do you not remember?? She kept putting a dollar on her waistband and insisting it was all you can eat under a dollar
Stop leaving me alone with my ex boyfriends after keg challenges. Woke up in his bed covered in what you think would be cum. No...toothpaste. He left a note. "Be home at four. Don't be here when I get back."
how did operation slutty penguin go?
pretty epic. there was a guy who was also dressed as a penguin. i asked him if he would keep my eggs warm while i went fishing for the winter
At the bar, some guy bumped into you and you screamed "hey, don't touch what you can't afford sunshine!"
She said she wanted you to slurp her vagina like a spaghetti noodle.
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I'm sorry I pissed in your bedroom and then woke you up when I tried to jump off the balcony
If I could go one week without being called a maneater or a spanish trolip that would be great.
After round two, I told him he deserves an award. He bowed and did a princess wave WHILE his dick was still inside me.
Turns out, it's impolite to repeatedly request Seal "Kiss From a Rose" at bars
I cannot believe I accepted his penis into my body.
But like, I don't remember getting hit with the door... I just come out from peeing and there was blood running down my face.
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