No, I'm talking to this Chinese girl. Can't understand a word she's saying, but i think i caught the word vagina a few times.
I hate ducks.
What?
they're sketch. like squirrels. squirrels are sketch as fuck.
at the topless march for equality..and wow.not all these boobs should be treated equally
you know something has gone wrong in your life when you've gotten a court order to stay away from ALL mc donalds.
she's my drunk super hero.
It's so cute when the exchange student uses "blowjob" as a verb.
So, sleeping with all of my Vicodin in my bra because I knew she'd be searching my room for drugs tonight. I'LL SHOW HER.
In that case, I'll try 2 find a date. But my options are AA friends or fuck buddies.
Germany has fetish clubs for everything. We are going to Germany. Germany is our friend.
I woke up with his condom in my mouth. I actually use them now you should be proud of me.
Never thought going to McDonald's alone at 3 AM would end with a blowjob outside some random girl's apartment...
Can't feel body but making pizza rolls
Seriously. If I'd known all it took was a 29 year old UPS guy to make me feel THIS SEXY, I'd have been fucking them for 30 years.
Ask him to BK for an ice cream cone and do him in the car. That counts as a date
I would definitely ride that dick into the sunset if nuggets are involved
I know you want to take a pregnancy test, but could you wait until Sunday so it doesn't ruin our weekend
Randomize
