we are going to smoke at least three blunts before we go see Cloudy with a chance of meatballs. I'm going to have my mom make us spaghetti for when we get out so can your mom make those spicy meatballs? I thought I'd give you 9 days notice so everything's perfect.
I love girls that fake tan. Can you say p p p p p p p p pumpkin face
I mean come on, he's the best quarterback in the state and doesn't even know how to put on condom
It's so cute when the exchange student uses "blowjob" as a verb.
i left with the words "thank you for undersanding my sluttiness"
i lost his rear view mirror, your phone charger, and my lesbian virginity. 21 isn't shaping up too well so far.
spotted: something called the tunnel of opression. i feel like if we patricipated we wouldnt even be phased or we could run it better than them
I am the worst sexter. i actually told him .. if i had a penis, it would be hard right now. BTW thats a turn off.
You're not on my level until you shop at Petsmart for sex accessories.
Apparently we were just playing "bang a bridesmaid". I'm not sure if I won or lost...
Fuck that. I'm not afraid to die. I'll prove you can survive on a bagel bites and rum diet.
I'm so high I would give anything in the world to be inside my lava lamp right now
I vaguely remember Matt shouting something about "GET ON MY LEVEL!" at the bartender before he attempted to order a case of tequila from him.
I plan on showing these boobs to so many people that by the end of it ill just have a shirt of beads.
Honey...this isn't my 20's. This is my 30's. I paid for this house and these expensive ass sheets to fuck in them. Get your ass over here.
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