I'm pretty sure my penis yawned halfway through. That loose.
just dropped my bong into 7 pieces, and carried the glass shards around my house. dad saw the blood dripping down my arms, and asked if i slit my wrists. way too high to laugh at this.
Nothing like a $37 iTunes bill. Jesus Christ do you know how many $2 beer/shot specials that is??? The answer is 16. 16 beer/shot specials.
Just gave some kid head in the library. Perfect way to end the semester.
Did you get my bra back of the bartender?
I seriously think we need to revision your idea of 'keeping a low profile'
Didn't get the job. Searched for my references on FB and saw the pic of me weighing my head passed out.
We see some guy emerge from the forest on the island this morning, alone, in only a snuggie. Morning shots and bagels on us for the number one walk of shame.
IF IT WALKS LIKE A MANWHORE AND QUACKS LIKE A MANWHORE, HE PROBABLY HAS VD.
So you are wearing a heart monitor while drinking?
Yea, they said carry on with my everyday activity.
I'm so lazy and tired i just want to cry and fall asleep in a bed of egg mcmuffins.
My passport was stamped in Canada two weeks ago. One step closer to uncovering wtf happened that night
I don't mean to crush your hopes and dreams but having sex IN the Stanley Cup isn't possible
I hate csi yet I find myself watching a full marathon. I am also eating hotdog buns stuffed with barbecue chips and they are quite tasty
Lunch?
Massage?
Spanking with handcuffs?
If i'm not ready, make sure i'm alive. Not passed out dead in the shower.
I'll still do breakfast to celebrate the life you've had.
Randomize
