Lets go to the mall and pick up some fat chicks and take them out tonight so we can be the skinny friends
Im mastering the way to pass gas silently.
John tries to set me up, and she has 1 arm. I'm a nice guy, but 2 arms is kinda a requirement
Everytime I cough, my tampon falls out a little bit. Does this mean I'm loose?
Don't remember much from last night, but I recall slipping you the tounge. For that I apologize
just had to shower sitting down. i hope this isn't an indicator of how the rest of my week is going to go.
I swear, if he gets me a bowling ball for Christmas, I will throw it at him.
Tell your boss that he's keeping you from eating a fuck sundae off of these 36-24-36 34 D's waiting for you at home on Valentine's Day.
Shitshow foam night was such a success
We get drunk and make out in different places. Is that what love is?
so let me get this straight... she's showing a cameltoe that can be seen from the space station and I'm NOT supposed to stare?
I did way too many drugs this past week for having a broken nose #commitment
I've been really sick the past 4 days. Last night, I actually turned down a bj. I may be dying.
chicken nuggets make me a bit homicidal
She shaved her vagina in my bed. Good night
Randomize
