I just got called an ass for saying no thanks to a Greenpeace solicitor. I don't want the whales to die but I do want Greenpeace to fail. Conundrum.
seems the shocker is way more shocking if u get the fingers wrong
I had to go to the bank to confirm purchases made on 10/31/09 because they were signed as Lady Gaga
i actually just woke up with a lampshade on my head. god damn cliches.
He started crying and showing me pictures of his ex. she was really pretty. It's an honor to have shared a penis with her.
He's coming over, and I hope he doesn't get hungry. I'm sure its not proper protocol to bring one booty call to another booty call's house for the munchies.
This is the weirdest negotiation ever.
This is what happens when two people with zero shame try to argue.
How are you feeling?
Hungover as shit. Someone just knocked on my window to make sure I was alive. I have been sleeping in the drivers seat for an hour parked outside my store. That is how okay I am.
Going through my bras is like traveling back in time through my past hookups and relationships....
Sorry about waking up naked in your bed this morning.
You woke up, mumbled something about forgetting to lock the truck at work, slapped my ass, then passed out again...
For whatever reason, whenever she's drunk off Crown, all she wants to do is jerk me off with her feet.
I feel you. I woke up butt naked on top of my sheets with a plate of cheese next to my bed...
The highlight of my night will be digging in other people's garbage
I got eaten out in the igloo at snow-kings castle last night.My thighs were literally melting ruts in the ice bench.Definitely colder than the minus 40 blowjob at Desiree's wedding
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