It smells like weed.
We are in Boulder, Everything smells like weed.
I'm gonna die fat and alone and all they will find is pizza crusts
Let's go to weight watchers and eat in front of them.
i spent 45 minuets spilling my heart out to him telling him i was in love with this other guy sorry. when i was done he asked me to give him a blow job. i did. i have commitment problems
someone just sent me a bong wrapped in christmas paper in the mail. signed 'santa'.
i don't think my dad can get all that mad since he got arrested for almost exactly the same thing last weekend
Just picture a bunch of Abraham Lincolns having an orgy.
i was driving around baked, windows down jamming to third eye blind and eating grapes for 35 minutes before i remembered why i left my house
do you remember the combo for the lock to my pants?
I made her orgasm until she cried. Four years of only having sex with dudes and I've still got it.
All three roommates are gay and in women's studies. Ive already been informed that all penetration is rape. This is not the college experience I signed up for.
Notice how both of our plans for hooking up with these guys involve getting them drunk?
Oh my God, we're like men but with great boobs.
There is no way to say this. Dude, I peed your bed. No questions, no answers. My flight leaves in 30 minutes. Use my detergent. Also, THE VODKA IN THE FRIDGE IS YOURS.
He was super adorable, like I wanna pinch his cheeks while I fuck him...
In retrospect, vomiting out of a moving vehicle on the third date should have been a deal breaker
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