Where did you get a picture of my penis
We could sell used underwear with pictures of us wearing them.
I am currently sitting on a candy bar to warm it up cause it was in the fridge so I can eat it while watching the last song and smoking weed by myself
the elusive kegmastree, who's mystery is only exceeded by it's power
Pitchers of shots should be outlawed. I've puked more than i've breathed in the past half hour.
"I gave a guy a handjob last night, on a dog bed, inside a fireplace. It's going to be a good year."
were facing impending death from north korea and were sitting here snorting tylenol to get high.....where did our lives go wrong?
Dude, just found out there's a monster in a video game named after me. No more dating nerds.
You know how I said I'd never worry about my roommate? Well I just walked in on her masturbating to Star Trek.
Did she boldly cum where no one has cum before?
Why aren't you two playing Dora the explorer with each other's genitals yet?
You realize that if you get murdered while we're talking, I'm gonna have to explain to your next of kin why the last thing on your phone is a picture of my boobs.
So I may have to sleep with a cougar to get a slightly used, yet free microwave. I'm going in
I mean, I want you to have freaky orgasmic fun to entertain me, but I don’t want you to risk HIV or car crashes
My hairdresser won’t do keratin treatments because of the toxins, but will put ecstasy up her butt at festivals...
We hotboxed his bathroom. going to be a good night
Hotbox went wrong - smoke sets off fire alarm. Firefighters coming
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