Ended up passed out drunk in the neighbors lawn, still in costume. Neighbors thought I was a lawn decoration. Ten points for best Halloween ever.
She passed out in my bed last night before anything happened. She felt really bad about that, so she gave me head when we woke up this morning.
MTV Made just made me cry. Where have all of my life goals gone?
No. He just yelled "youre having one more orgasm!" So he made that happen and then he rolled over and went to sleep.
I'm really debating making a second facebook. Same name only with DRUNK at the end. That way I can keep the guys I only talk to when I'm drunk on that facebook and only go on it when im drunk.
OH YEAH AND FORGOT TO THANK YOU FOR THE lack of WARNING THAT HE WASN'T CIRCUMSIZED.
Didn't get carded at the bar. We're getting wasted and then walking over to Bass Pro Shops to watch the indoor ducks swim around. And possibly buying a tent.
He gave me a beer, petted my head, and called me kiddo.
I need a conscience and I need it yesterday.
I've got to stop being so hungover that I puke in the fine establishments of this glorious town.
My dad told me to bring weed to easter Sunday dinner..
You just want me for my pizza coupons and my penis.
I need to immerse myself in a tub of peroxide to kill whatever traces of him are on me.
First non virgin Sunday. Bursts into flames.
I hate closet cases. I've been wooing this chick the entire quarantine. We finally meet up tonight, we're two drinks in, I've got my hand half way up her skirt and her husband calls. She promised to bring home dinner.
Randomize
