Seriously? Do you have me saved in your phone as 'check every 3 months to see if she's single yet'?
we have a love-hate relationship...we love having sex but hate waking up next to eachother
oh good. ive just found out that i went downstairs at 6 am still blacked out and had a 30 minute conversation with my mom about the different ways to feed our dog
I had to do a class evaluation today & the girl beside me didn't fill in any bubbles she just wrote in huge letters RETIRE across the whole sheet
Wondering when "babysitting" formed into "sleeping on the couch for five hours nursing a hangover and giving the kids Nyquil."
Walk of shame: Easter Edition. He is risen.
I'n not even sure we went out, but I know we broke into a cemetery.
I always make inappropriate sexual decisions during the holidays
Current dream situation- Gordon Ramsey is my Uber driver and he's hauling around a backseat filled with chocolate covered açai berries. I'm good for eternity.
I can't even be mad at customs in houstons airport anymore for missing my flight and having to stay overnight. Within an hour of meeting we did it at her place. Her last word being "glad I could show you real southern hospitality". I'm definitely coming back here someday
We are the rockettes of vaginal bleeding
The boob job was worth every penny just to see the expression of pure joy on his face the first time he saw them.
There is a french fry attached to my steering wheel and a note that says "eat me yum yum" can you explain this?
I’m not dating him for his personality. I’m dating him so I can steal his dog.
I'm gonna ask his dad. Weed trumps broken heart any day.
Randomize
