He's not gay. He just has bad gaydar and he gaydared himself and was wrong.
Is there any way you can check to see if I have a warrant out in Alabama?
How did your new apartment party go last night?
I'm really happy i have a bigger bathroom to puke in.
My glasses smell like tequila. I just put them on and almost threw up.
Found myself carrying 2 bottles of .89 euro wine about half a mile to where im staying. and someone stopped me and spoke to english. apparently, i reek of drunk american.
He's drinking 50/50 vodka/water out of a camelback. Disaster would be a compliment at this point.
Why does every bad decision I make wind up having 1000 likes on YouTube?
Is it bad to have a craving for speed? I feel like my nose is thirsty.
That moment when your whole family facetimed you just moments before you threw up all over the entire living room
i need to stop meeting underage girls and letting them into the bar. i mean yea its a surefire way to get laid without having to tell them I'm 26 but i feel like as a bouncer I'm focusing on all the wrong things
and it's like......my shirt is off and he's talking about quidditch. why.
Pants are for mortals
I think the pizza guy was in shock..
Well I didn't mean to answer the door only in socks but I mean come on, 4 hours of sex works up an appetite! I WAS RAVENOUS
I just got a rock from a customer. Weirdest. Tip. Ever.
I got really worried when i woke up and there weren't any missed booty calls from him between 3 and 5 am. Apparently his gf is in town ...
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