My lawyer watched my DUI video. Said of the thousand or so he's seen, mine was one of the top ten best.
I'm pretty sure a girl doesn't give it up with a reverse cow girl...
I would give away a ton of these clothes but I doubt there are any homeless people who dress as slutty as me
Is it sad that I find it completely normal that I just took batteries out of a vibrator to put them in a pencil sharpener so I could do homework?
I find this completely acceptable.
Awkward moment #23: reasuring mom that the bf and I aren't having sex as seamen is running down my leg...
I lost my keys but found four buffalo wings in my pockets
We're at the hospital. She got a head rush and fell and now blood everywhere. Smoke the rest, just save her a bowl
I just peed in a flower pot on the veranda while crying and holding a drink
You handed me a red solo cup filled with vodka and Bacon. You called it the salty Russian.
She cracked her neck before the blowjob and I knew shit just got real.
Im in my back seat in my own drive way with two beers left to shotgun and watching the sunrise. Am I over her yet?
I just bought a bong from a hot dog stand.
The only person more miserably hungover from the party is the dog, and that's because he ate some balloons
this weekend took five years off my life and what was left of my dignity
You know the force is loosing strength when Darth Vader can't handle his liquor on halloween.
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