am i the only one who has tried sucking their own cock????
She's not depressed. She's just sober. It's like the same thing.
Just walked by a group of guys calling out walks of shame with a mega phone from their front porch.
She broke both of her ankles trying to jump off the balcony. it's like every time she drinks she makes even more impressively bad decisions than the last time
I knew things were bad when I walked in on you feeding juice to your iPhone
Well, I convinced myself I had a sixth toe and then I ripped it off. So I PRAY you're doing better than me.
Pierced my own nipple last night, and yes everyone did go absolutely nuts
Like for real, is your junk ok? I have to look after my investments.
I feel like death crawled up inside me and died. That sick
Just got into a fight with a trashcan, today is obviously not going to be my day.
I'm a hopeless romantic that likes rough sex. Judge me
How is there no taco emoji?! That's some bullshit.
I have suspicion of morning wood.
How are you unsure as to the current state of your penis?
I DID NOT GO INTO HOURS OF STRENUOUS LABOR FOR YOU TO LOOK LIKE A DOMINATRIX BARMAID ON A WEEKDAY. AT LEAST SAVE IT FOR THE WEEKEND GDI.
Oh, now I remember why I deleted your number. You're kind of a dick. Please delete mine.
Randomize
