so my phone accidentally called my dad from my purse at 2:14am....he has a 5 min voicemail of me discussing how Alicia should bang the guy who eats good pussy... i can never look at my dad in the face again....
I had to move some guys boxers out of the dryer. This is the closest I'll be getting to dick this month.
she made my bed before she left. i think i'm gonna keep banging her to get the housework done
im pretty sure all they do is fuck. and talk in baby talk. its two babys fucking basically.
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I still think it's messed up that you're naming your kids after all the guys you slept with in college
All I had with a note saying that my shoes are in the ceiling and good luck.
I didn't realize I was holding it, until I was like, "whose baby is this?"
I have a plus one for the Blackout Express, should I pen in your name?
I told him I was engaged, had 911 on speed dial and made him wear his seatbelt, then dropped his drunk ass off at his motel...probably not the night he was expecting.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I woke up naked in my bathtub at 5:30 this morning. There's legit a spray tan body print of me in the fetal position in my tub.
just threw up what i'm pretty sure look like contents of a lava lamp
She's trying to put on her dog muzzle on her self
I can taunt you with whatever I want. Like batman and sex.
I woke up on his couch and my bra was flung across the floor and filled with animal crackers
All I have in my new place is coke and a treadmill.. it's workout Wednesday
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