I tried karate at age 7 and quit after realizing it conflicted with watching new episodes of "Full House."
After he proceded to violently molest my tits until 9 am i snuck out of his room only to meet his mother downstairs, who informed me she heard the giant sexfest going on in the room next to them.. this was before she called us both "chickenshits".. worst walk of shame ever.
dude i just made a burrito by wrapping 2 packs of scooby snacks with a fruit roll up. im so high
I guess you can say it's a tradition... whoever brings home the ugliest guy has to do all the cleaning the next day
I received a letter in the mail from my ex equipped with a used condom,dirt, some hair, and a nude portrait of myself.
Jen's arm is stuck between a wall and her bed. She's naked and needs someone to go help her.
Where are you?! I require drunk, males and possibly crying. Vomiting is optional and/or optimal as is karaoke.
We ate our feelings. Then drank our feelings. I feel feminism delivered.
Braid them armpits, sister.
It's blow job season.
Oh btw I learned how to say "my penis is a flamethrower" in German. Tonights gonna be fun
You paid a stripper $40 to choke me out last night.
the only two hours i was sober on this trip and i managed to break my toe. no one will believe this.
Think of something healthy and responsible. Now think of the exact opposite, let's do the latter
I feel like the universe head butted me in my balls. That hungover.
.... My lady balls. Cuz I'm a lady.
I hooked up with a sophomore, passed out at midnight, and apparently drunkenly peed on Nicole's wedding invitation
Randomize
