once the tequila comes in everyone elses feelings go out the window.
Just used my last prints at the library for brackets instead of final reviews. Hello March.
Well ya in hindsight obviously offering the cop a jello shot was a bad idea
I left him a voicemail saying i went through with the abortion and he texts me back one thing... the bbm "phew" face. really?
Whatever. I indirectly made you cum overseas. Call it even.
I may or may not have just sent the bartender a pic of me in my slutty cheerleader costume with the caption "rah rah ree, gimme yo d"
I accidently showed a girl my balls already today. Made me think of you.
Are we hungover?
I got a lapdance from a gay guy in red uggs and spandex shorts with reindeer antlers on. And I don't remember it. Hungover does not even cover it.
I may wear a condom to jerk-off tomorrow knowing that my hand has touched surfaces in this bar.
I am here to underwhelm you with my vagina
The fact that you're allowing Santa to dry hump your ass is sort of a dealbreaker
He did leave his bud tall boy and 2 choco tacos, so not a total loss.
It's national "dress up your pet day" come over. Drugs and dressed up cats..it's the shit dreams are made of.
He called me saying he got nice rims for his car so now we can fuck in style
Then you're three pancakes deep in regret.
Randomize
