I have found the one flaw to the great pride I took as a guy to not have to sit down to pee...having to sneeze while peeing.
if she leaves who will i have to secretly talk about behind thier back
I am the Bobby Fisher of drunk asss puking
Dude, she puked up her Plan B, then reached in the toilet and re-swallowed it. That chick does NOT want a baby
Just used "I used to work as an inflatable toy operator" as a pick up line. Freshman frenzy is great...
Chill out, I'm getting ready as fast as I can. I didn't even masturbate in the shower.
Awkward drunk fist bump with the boss. Not sure if tomorrow will be weird or wonderful.
You should never be more than a quarter of a mile from a working toilet
Preach!
My mom just busted me rolling a blunt on her bathroom counter. ...all she said was fuck it it's Christmas
Also I just took the BEST ass selfie of my adult life.... it's gonna be a good day haha
I've been sober for almost two weeks and it's been the worst two weeks ever. Even my mom told me I need to start drinking again.
Im playing a game I have to take a drink every time my gram asks me the same question hammered by 4 guaranteed...
The girls said some drunk guy in footie pajamas was asking for me when they opened the doors. I thought we agreed you were gonna stay home and microwave me some bacon.
"Uno más" are officially my least favorite words in the entire Spanish language.
one of my coworkers asked me if I was PMSing today...... excuse me sir, but it is none of your business as to what my uterus is or is not doing right now. fucker.
and yea, I'm PMSing.
Randomize
