I don't think cute and don't forget to get tested belong in the same text
dude you were so wasted last night you ate a sandwich made out of tomatos, cheese, doritos, salt & pepper. Then you heated it in the micro for 5 min to melt the cheese.
even my worst enemy doesn't deserve a bush like that
I just had teddy grams, ritz crackers, and twizzlers for dinner. Hello, end of the semester.
you came in and threw goldfish on our blue carpet and screamed SWIM BITCHES and then made me drink a best friends potion with you
Can I sleep on your couch? My wife just found my eHarmony account.
How do you get mayonnaise out of... well jesus it's everywhere, let's start with carpets
gave him road head on the way to his grandparents house. purposely didn't let him finish, the sexual tension over turkey was indescribable.
It's time for everyone's favorite Wednesday night game... WHEEL OF. VODKA!!!!!
Fire trucks are here again. It wasn't me this time.
You had sex with him AND his man bun. Like not just him but also the bun.
I hate men. But I love dick. You see my problem?
Open the door and I will lure them out to freedom with viagra and candy orange slices. You know they love that shit.
How do you feel about a threesome?
Will you be there?
I'm the one asking!
At about 2:30 i found you passed out in my closet with your face covered in cheese whiz
Randomize
