He's telling me stories about how he made out with a 14 yr old when he was 22. I'm going home.
finding my wedding ring encrusted in vomit this morning really just topped off last night...
I didn't mind getting the stomach flu from him. we had great sex AND I'm seven pounds lighter
I just got this text "hi this is Julie, I met you last night in the bathroom. You asked me to text you and remind you that you ate an entire lime, because you figured your sober self in the morning would be confused."
It was good I woke up with my mattress on top of me. I walked around naked the whole night as people wished my Happy Birthday.
I mean it's not my fault he had a floor mat that read "put out or get out". What was I supposed to do?
also please imagine me hopping a fence at 3am using two chairs. It was a shit show. K's guy practically ripped her off the top of the fence bc she got semi stuck. It was like watching Disney on Bud Ice.
I am never taking a razor down there again. He'll have to love me as I am.
Congratulations on your downgrade, shes one hell of a 5
Some days you ride the struggle bus. Other days, it gets a flat, the AC breaks, and you run over a bunny.
You got banned for life from a $30 a night motel. What are you doing with your life?
I told you about the baby at the graduation party that looked into my eyes and knew I was empty inside
Fuck my life... Im so horny Im gonna take it out on this sandwich
Starting to realize that fucking everyone I come across isn't the most... "adult"... coping method.
I do not recommend playing football on LSD like at all
Randomize
