I have to tell you about my conversation with the cloud dragon!
my dad is drunk dialing our relatives who are stuck in a blizzard asking them to pick up sun tan lotion for him cause hes too drunk to drive to the store.
He was going nice and slow, then he yelled " BOONNEESTOORRMM!!!!!". I can't walk straight.
I can't tell if I miss summer or 5 times a day sex more.
These hangoverless Sunday mornings are becoming too regular.
It doesn't matter if I tell the story beginning to end or end to beginning, the story still starts with a random girl blowing me in the bathroom.
Hypothetical question: If a guy wanted to watch you fuck me, would you be willing to take a long lunch break on Wednesday?
I will now refer to my life as before and after I used Astroglide for the first time
as of this morning I have officially vommed on the highways of 6 different countries. It's a proud moment.
After Madison dropped a bottle of full vodka an it shattered on the floor, it was quiet for literally 3 min straight and then drew said "the booze gods have spoken"
I WAS JUST SITTING HERE BEING SNIFFED BY ODD WOMEN FOR A SOLID 5 MINUTES. My face was a twist of utter fear and confusion...
I feel like we should apologize to the light saber. We were REALLY inappropriate with it last night.
If I ever go to jail it will be because of you, I can feel it.
Your girlfriend agreed to a threesome, I saw dogs in a bar. It seems life is falling into place for us
Birthday wine tasting got super shambly super quickly. I am covered in cuts/bruises/terrible life decisions.
Randomize
