I even made an effort to dress like a conservative young lady who doesnt black out and throw up in her bed regularly today.
we ate a 40 pack of string cheese and watched an entire washing machine cycle.
And I was somehow convinced to wash the glassware at the bar topless.
Ive waited a long time for a girl with prescriptions like yours.
I'm starting to second guess shaving my vagina over the kitchen sink. The lighting is so much better though.
Worst walk of shame everrr. Hopefully the thought of me walking 20 minutes in the freezing cold with someone else's sweatpants, a bra on & high heels will cheer you up today.
Oh god there are people jogging. Fuck off productive people, you don't know me.
is there any kind of "im boning my neighbor and he happens to be a manager at walmart" discount that our new relationship entitles me to??
And I might have stolen a bag of Doritos out of Matt's car and hid them in my bag and gave individual chips out to people dancing, trying to convince people they were mini tacos.. Like why Am I allowed to be an adult
Ugh why can't people just be grateful for my penis
As much as I trust your struggle imma deal with being Eskimo brothers with my own sister before I get to that
Happy anniversary, did you sign and mail in the divorce papers yet?
I totally just pulled my thong out of my purse at the grocery store. Oops.
Thanks for letting me cross "getting high at park with children" off my bucket list
You know that episode of Spongebob where Patrick teaches Spongebob to be fancy? His dick was like that, only fancier.
Ha! Just garden hosed my vag and thought of you.
Randomize
