rainy day on campus = new personal fetish for girls in booty shorts and colorful rain boots
Some guy shouted fuck america during the national anthem, i decked him. They threw him out. USA USA USA!
He was drunk at Denny's at 5 am saying how Dear John was the worst movie he has ever seen... eyes filled with tears.
I just feel like Im gonna be remembered as that one RA guy that used to sell weed
Thanks for pulling me out of the bed by my feet atleast one of us was sober enough to know I had work at 5 am.
I have to bobbypin his pubes for us to have sex. The other day he wanted me to braid them.
Relationships are fuckin' work. And you can't just up and leave with no questions when you really just need to get home because you're about to shit your pants.
You're so wise.
I know you're aving fun across the room but I can clearly see you getting a handy. It's not as "low key" as she promised. Also, why are you texting while she's doing it?!
I may quit my job to go be a costumed Jedi at Disneyland.
If you fall asleep, my vagina and I will never forgive you.
You kept whispering to me that the guy making your burrito was an angel.
In the words of my step grandma "whatever makes your pussy happy"
He goes from zero to fucking up in 2.4 drinks. Like the sportscar of bad decision making.
Dude we were sitting at my place stoned as fuk then someone knocks on the door and it was my neighbor giving me a huge box of cookie dough. Magic of weed.
The waxing lady fingered me during my brazilian. 40 dollars well spent
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