Why did I wake up with "How to masturbate" on my youtube search bar?
You told us you forgot how, and started to cry.
We were laughing at the passed out guy who had gone to sleep under the car in the McDonald's lot until we realized it was you.
She tried to escape and she fell and hit the door. She's gunna freak when she wakes up with only half a tooth.
gay flight attendant. racoons. kegels. bartender with missing teeth. too many birthdays. fucckk.
It's like a party bus, but there's a glass, airtight wall separating the driver from the passengers, and once everyone's on, they pump vaporized THC into the cabin.
Finally better. I had to use eye makeup remover to get the purple wine stains off my lips
Would it be inappropriate to rub one out in the gym shower? I mean, technically, I pay $80 a month to do what I want so could they really say anything?
Shower is fine. Steam room is shady. I've probably done both at one point in my life so I can't be used as a good reference.
Wrapped in a blanket, just ate a whole party pizza. All my dreams are coming true and you don't even care.
i woke up and found a picture of his grandma in my purse.. im a kelpto
I mean I love some drunk compliments, but he just wasn't up to my low standards.
Just thought you should know I'm having a reunion tour of Athens this weekend. Minus the weird guy I was fucking last time.
no joke- she just sprinkled parmesan cheese into her champagne and slurred "I just need a little snack"
"Little drunk?" Honey you were "livetweeting" Sublime's "Sublime" album while it was playing in his car, and at one point you said you hoped they play Santeria. "Little drunk" doesn't cover it.
you literally stared at me for three minutes and then said "hey this tequila isn't gonna drink itself, boss"
So shaving my butt whilst humming "be prepared" is now in my top five weirdest Friday night activities.
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