Just threw up at the table during our Father's Day dinner. And I managed to get quite a bit on dad, so that was nice.
Needless to say, wine tasting turned into wine chugging
look, i may have sacrified a 20% assignment for a sprite. this is what hangovers do to me.
Shaking her cervix like it's the hottest ticket around
I just blurted out "it's pretty tight isn't it"
Am I really that girl who walks around half naked wearing a cowboy hat begging for liquor at some random guys house
I just bought 7 working mopeds off a guy for $300. We are 60% of the way to our gay biker gang dream.
Gonna open a taco bell in colorado. Millions bro.
Reading an example in the GRE study book referencing Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles while wearing TMNT pajamas. *airfist*
omg please tell me you're eating pizza right now too.
I had sex on a sidewalk in downtown Chicago... I don't think I have anymore morals to lose.
Somehow she is more off limits now than when she was his girlfriend
Trust no bitch in laser tag. Not a single one.
Why do pants feel so unnatural once you enter your own house
Dad is celebrating turning 45 by being drunk in a department store before two o'clock.
Are you sure you found YOUR underwear?
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