She told me I was starting to look like a mermaid with herpes and I needed to stop it.
he looked upset that i wasn't completely shaven. i reminded him he had begged. and beggars can't be choosers.
you asked the guy at 7-11 if he remembered when you came in and threw news paper every where... then you did it again
So guy #2, the dancer, is programmed into my phone under the name H.uy. His number- 11 digits. I should have stopped drinking.
i was so drunk that i ate a carrot out of her guiena pig's cage and thought it was normal
Ran into my prostitute at Costco yesterday. She was with her boyfriend, I was with my kids. Awwwwkward.
She had one drink in her cleavage and another in her hand. She kept rotating between the two by leaning backward and then sipping the one in her hand.
Did you sleep with Connor? And who undressed me? There's a picture of two guys peeing out my bedroom window. What happened?
I am so proud of him. After eating the rest of our shrooms, he finally registered to vote
We tried to make ramen in a glass bowl on the stove. They called facilities to pick the glass out of the door
This guy punched out a light, puked in the sink, stole the mailbox, then tried to tell ME that I had to leave the party... Then his dog shit on the floor.
Well at least the house will be decorated when u get evicted.
Yeah. It's just like I have his virginity and he has my shoes and where do we go from here.
I am not getting you a goat.
Fair enough. I am not going out with you. The goat was not negotiable.
She came so hard that after she finished, she started a slow clap and then told me she pulled a muscle.
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