So how come you never look me in the eyes anymore when we make love?
Rock
Scissors
Fuck
Just woke up in bed, AC on high, with a fresh pack of smokes, an unopened pint of vodka, and a bag w a beef patty w cheese in it. I think my roommate's like the toothfairy or something. Or that was way more Xanax than I needed.
I just hope this isn't happening Final Destination style
Travis Barker would totally be Devon Sawa in this scenario
Either way, he made a blog for his cat.
Next time, showing us his dick should be his entry fee into your house.
Dude, didn't you know? Its balls out wednesday.
You brought us all personal gifts you had stolen from the party and bellowed "hoes hoes hoes, clepto Santa loves you"
Batchelotette party success. I woke up on the floor in nothing but a thong, a garter and a shirt that says Just Do Me.
Defrosting my uncrustable with my laptop...Hungover dinner
I might have snap chatted him. So here's what I need you to do. Find him. Abduct him. Get his phone. View the chat so he can't. Then, buy him ice cream. He deserves ice cream.
Our group of friends now have more broken bones than reasonable excuses for why they're broken.
wtf guys I thought we agreed on no more knives. So much for not destroying the house
You did what with his pubic hair?
Okay I’ll say it... THIS MOVIE FUCKS
That’s probably the first time I've heard Little Women described that way and I love it
Randomize
