he just put it in my mouth and said "go"
my secret santa just gave me a pregency test
I love how all these freshman girls think that they can wear what they wore last summer... freshman 15 at its skankiest
That was the gentlest I've ever been bitten in the face by a dog
when she asked where we met, i said the liquor store. the next words out of moms mouth? 'oh that's real promising molly'
Oh, and i love you too. Im just a selfish dick who had to talk about myself first
If my sophomore year were to be made into a novel, it would be titled "dances with salvia"
And to top it off I think that was the first time in history that anyone has used "oh just taking care of her grandmother and doing porn" in the same sentence.
I support your vibrator fueled lifestyle.
hooked up with him and then had a conversation with his ex about how we hate people who hook up with our exs...
He literally shoved the EMT, climbed in the back of the ambulance with his vodka and was like, "C'mon, people. Wrap this up. I got shit to do."
Pretty sure I was naked for most of the night.....success
OMG LOOK AT THAT PIECE OF MAN
I haven’t trained for this.
I got a 93 percent on my last mid term and I was drunk. Think of the possibilities if i were sober for the one thats tommorrow.
Like my mom really needs to know just how non existent my sex life is
Randomize
