So he just rolled over in his sleep and said "that's a punctuation mark..."
Whoa. I woke up to 10 new text messages. All about bacon.
is it consensual if they're cheered on by a room filled with 30 people?
I wonder if her husband knows I have my own drawer at the apartment
I sent him pictures of just me in my thong and he replied "you're so sweet, you make me feel special <3".... Oh.
he said he wished i had balls so he could kick me in them. then we had sex obviously
Just found out I own a pyramid. Fuck your good grades, I'm living in my pyramid.
I don't think a gay three way is the best way to confirm your sexuality.
I also made him write a nonfiction romance novel about what happened and to give it to me when the time was right
So to add to headbutting the microwave while waiting for my hot pockets to cook. I apparently told both bartenders earlier in the night I was going to fuck them both. I hate black out drunk me..
Are you going to eat tacos off the floor again?
I had a drinkin contest with a person that didnt exsist, fuck withdrawl day
Hold on are you sure that we dont have another roommate?
Yes.
Who knew sons of strippers would be really feminist boyfriends?
You know you've made it in life when the people in the next stall are cheering on your orgasm
I feel like a grown up and it scares me so I'm hiding out in the bathroom stall and messaging you
Randomize
