I am not having having sex with guys at the moment.
I can pretend to be a girl if you want. I have a tongue.
My hair reeks of homosexuality.
Can I use you as a job reference? Don't tell them i got you fired cause I banged you tho
Dude i think i got lasagna in my eye
found her sleeping in the closet. woke her up and she said she was camping.
He literally stopped in the middle of sex to look up sex positions on his iPhone...
It's just a matter of time. The ball is in my court. Soon to be in her mouth.
After she cried and passed out at four in the morning, I had a very lovely, very drunken conversation with her mother while decorating a cake into the shape of a penis.
They're doing shots to celebrate every 15 minutes passing. You can come get them.
we can be functional adults and still think pizza lunchables are the shit
we somehow managed to fit a llama, a stripper pole and a hayride all into the same day.
He was chasing Ciroc shots with sips of Captain Morgan... he didn't make it to midnight
He lives 20 minutes away driving distance and decided to walk. I talked to him today and he took a nap along the way... In a cemetery.
I just threw up a strange neon green substance. Did I eat a glow stick last night?
Did you clean my apartment?
I thought it was a dream, I'm sorry
Please stay more often
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