Just promise me you won't ring in the new decade by clutching onto a toilet
Please come to History lecture. The kid two seats over is belligerently drunk.
You couldn't stand up so I took you home, took off your makeup, put you to bed then shaved off your eyebrows. I so nearly won the responsible adult prize.
I swear there's a gravitational pull from your vagina to large groups of men in uniform.
Is it rude if I ask the current tenets of our future apartment if I can come and blackout for a night? I want stupendously drunk me to get a feel for the place so he's comfortable when we move in.
Sprained my ankle at sky zone REST ICE COMPRESSION ELEVATION AND SHOTS it'll all feel better soon
I made out with all three roommates...I didnt realize that was actually an awkward situation.
I woke up this morning covered in blood and peanut butter. I am now safe from vampires with nut allergies.
That's the 3rd time I've gone home with her and she passed out on me. I poured 6 boxes of cereal on her and left
He has an accent when he types. I can *hear* the schnitzel. Especially when he's drunk.
last thing I remember was someone walking in on me sitting in the bathtub listening and singing along to Britney spears "Till the world ends" on repeat.
sweet Jesus, who thought 13 martinis was a good idea? 11 was probably sufficient.
I know we agreed to cock block each other from now on buttt I WANT this one. I have felt his penis, it is godly, and I am going to have it inside of me, so shut the fuck up and leave.
Do you realize our room single-handedly hooked up with most of that wedding party last night?
I'm just happy stripping was the reason you fractured your hand
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