literally had 100 drinks last night.
Hello, balls-out mistake. It's been a while.
We're having the conversation about what happened last night, all we can come up with is that we came home, drank two litres of lemonade, I took one of her seizure pills and we fell asleep with sabrina the teenage witch on
Just found out my mom tried to sue the birth control company when she got pregnant with me...love you too mom.
I don't even want to talk about it, I'm traumatized. Even the dog knew to take advantage of the most intoxicated girl at the party...
He scratched off my spray tan. Literal nail marks down my back. Can't imagine what's underneath his fingernails.
im not even sure if i fucked her just woke up in her closet.
See this is why people shouldn't jump into marriage. See what type of drunk you're engaged to first.
I sent him a bunch of texts telling him that his beard wasn't long enough yet so we couldn't fuck and to text me back in a few hours if it had.
I'm going to text my booty call and tell him nevermind, that I got the job finished by myself. That will teach him to text back faster.
This lesson is brought you by a psychology class.
Ok. I'm gonna smoke some weed and look at some elephants without you then.
how do you make "fuck me in the break room" sound casual?
CRAIGSLIST IS NOT THE ANSWER
IM LONELY AND HORNY
Update: He still has devil magic genitals.
Just woke up in a Price Chopper bathroom stall with a half eaten cake on the floor. Had to get a ride from the waitress I made out with. What happened to "Don't let me drink Tequila?"
I lied.
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