He is either going to be in my pants or get a restraining order against me.
He actually believes he's not an alcoholic if he doesn't go to meetings.
This last weekend single handedly took me off the liver transplant list
you called me at 4 am to tell me you found the cracker barrel location where we'll have lunch next week
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I can't ever handle being "that girl" again. At least not until next semester.
Theres two guys using a blow up doll to hold their beers while they float around the pool
Im on my way, tell them to get ready for a high-five
That awkward moment when the guy you hooked up on spring break invites you over for dinner to meet his parents and you say yes because the first rule of college is never turn down a free meal.
THE SHIT YOU GET YOURSELF INTO
I'd just like to say before I start drinking tonight that not only do I not find you attractive; I don't want to hook up with you, suck your dick, be your "suga mama" or have your babies. Please disregard any texts, phone calls or voicemails that say otherwise..
Fried chicken is a must. Do strippers eat fried chicken or should I plan on something else?
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My old dealer would be proud of the drug cocktail I just took for my back pain.
I don't want sex or anything I just really need someone to appreciate how shiny my hair is
UGH I HATE BEING THIS WAY IM GOING TO GO HUG THE CACTUS YOU GOT ME
It's almost 5am and all I can keep thinking is IT'S WHISKEY TIME!!
I just had a morning three-some with marijuana and a detachable shower-head
He agreed to matching Christmas pajamas today, no guy does that for a girl he’s not seriously considering marrying.
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