dude you need to get laid
me?
no, the other guy who hasn't been laid in 7 months
oh I thought you were talkin about me
wait
there's a booger on my laptop, i suspect it's yours
Is it sad that I'm on the stopduiaz.com website and there is a cute boy but it will never work between us because hes in jail for 17.5 years?
Um.. is it mean if I say yes?
How would my first penpal letter even go? "Hey saw you on stopduiaz.com, sucks you killed that motorcyclist. Whats your favorite thing to do on the weekend?"
She was so happy she found her sunglasses, that she blew me. Im now randomly hiding things of hers in hopes she'll find them and I'll get a repeat performance.
There are babies in the room i shouldnt be high with babies in the room.
K. On the way. I need a drink.
Like a drink drink or like water?
Have we met?
I want to meet new people and vomit on their things instead\n
The following message is brought to you by IMSOFUCKINGSORRY. Dude I'm really sorry I got you arrested last night. You are allowed to choose a repayment plan from the following options: Money, weed, or a single kick to the balls any time within the next calender months. Repayment outside of the aforementioned options can be negotiated and considered within reason.
i was completely deserted.. so i stood outside starbucks for 20 minutes trying to convince the employees to open early and take care of me.. fuck you guys
We just had a 30 min argument on the actual birth date of Jesus, it ended in my brother and ain't cursing each other and an 8 yr old answering it by using Siri.
I was wondering how I got the burn marks on my boobs and then I remembered....
The baked potato bra?
I think the highlight of my night is when I was eating a mayonnaise sandwich. drunk me was on point.
She's the good dick fairy. You buy her a beer and half an hour later the best lay in the place is asking to take you home.
At one point in the night, as we were running from the cops, I clearly remember you yelling "little gnomes are tickling the insides of my body!" ...that high.
I brought my porn computer to class by accident
How much porn do you watch if you need a special computer?
Randomize
