I just fired a shotgun out of the back of a truck going 60. i am going to miss oregon.
I think its a sure sign I need to get laid when every cloud in the sky looks like a penis.
I found him crying and drunk, in my closet holding a picture of Tyler Perry. He managed to say"he's just so many people"
Well I woke up with spatula marks on my ass and burns on my hands.
he asked you how you felt and you yelled "I FEEL SO PROACTIVE!" and started coloring with sharpies
He kept telling me that something was trying to enter this dimension from another universe through his spine...
Stoned in a petco on a Saturday. I figured out that ferrets can eat themselves out. Just picture it. Never leaving.
We just took back to back grav bong hits and are playing battleship. She guessed Z - 12 so weve switched board games.
strip teases shouldnt end with an expensive car covered in salsa and mayonnaise yet here we are
So hungover and decided to eat a burrito and a pot brownie for dinner, this is what adulthood looks like.
I'm not sure if 14 year old me would be disappointed or proud that I fucked him behind her middle school??
I jus want to remember tomorrow how proud I was tonight for wearing my rainbow leggings as a long sleeved shrug I feel like fucking MacGuyver
My favorite part was making you pull out your lucky steelers vibrator and show it to jerome bettis at the bar
Sooooooooooooo you woke up on a rooftop. Classy
I blame her lesbian super powers of coercion.
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