this girl is running around outside screaming, it's creaming on me! it's creaming on me. I totally have to find my video camera
Fine. Just this once and because its veterans day will I send you a picture of my tits. You're lucky I love this country.
Going to bed. I have to wake up early and teach small children. And then have affairs with their fathers. I'm going to get deported.
he walked out as i was licking snow off of his car...
A-plus on my thesis. I deserve the blowjob to end all blowjobs. And I wanna wear a crown while you do it.
Trying to convince myself that everyone keeps staring at me because I'm pretty and not because of my hickies.
I'm proud of you, you were pretty classy last night, you didn't puke AND you didn't take off your shirt, except for those two times in the corner.
you walked onto the street in the middle of the 10K in your thong. it was a whole new kind of expirience.
I just got into the cab. It smells like weed and the driver looks like someone who may or may not be really talented at playing the saxophone. He also asked me my thoughts on porn when I told him I'm an actor. I might not make it home.
So wait. Let me get this straight lol... you... are are considering offering fetish services to "trample and own" someone for $80 in order to pay for someone to come organize ur shit? Pure genius.
I think I'm going to give him a welcome back to single life blow job
There's Dick Pix, Zorro, and The Little Engine that Could. I nickname my fuck buddies for the exact same reason why you don't name animals which you will one day have for dinner.
Nobody feels the need to text me back. Men. And I sent myself a message saying nakedness. I'm all the man I need.
I just saw your mom take a body shot off an undergrad, please tell me you're somewhere near by.
How much weed can I reasonably smoke now if I have to leave for work in a bit over an hour
Randomize
