FYI..good luck when you get back from work.. mom and dad know about the boy you brought home last night
haha good one..how did you even know?
we all know. he obviously didn't leave when you might have told him to.. he came down when we were eating because he coud smell mom's cooking. the dude ate with us and offered to say grace. so yeah, good luck.
She put baby oil on her toes and i am not legally allowed to talk about what happened
Yeah, well I just made $600 while taking a shut cause two diff clients called while I was in here. Tell me being a lawyer doesn't kick ass.
I am now trying to reassure her that she doesn't have a wide-set vagina. So thanks, for whatever you said.
The only thing that was weird was that it WASN'T weird when she got out of the shower and saw me blowing him.
It's tough not drinking when the bartender adds rum to your coke without telling you, and doesn't charge you
I should never be allowed to dance around children at weddings. I think I just insured that a 4 year old will be a future teen mom.
It's like he drunk calls 6 times for me to come over, but can't say hello at lunch.
I walked into Anna's room this morning and she was like teary eyed, with pizza sauce all over the place
I mean I just feel if I'm not being fat and lazy then I'm not really being myself
Dude. She was wearing nothing but Wonder Woman panties and a flag for a cape and sneaking around leaving PBR's by passed out people for the morning. She called herself the 'Merica Fairy.
Why haven't you proposed already?
Really though. It's your life, live it how you want
And I do mostly. Which is why I'm now drunk in my room writing erotica
That was a beautiful concert to sleep through ...
I know - Don't let me take drugs from strangers anymore
That guy u hooked me up with kept calling me james while were doing it...
In the past year, I've fucked 3 Dave's and you've fucked 2 Dave's. That's a lot of Dave's in our vaginas.
We need to start a soap opera called the Dave's of Our Lives.
Randomize
