I plan on using my big titties for evil tonight.
The idiot babysitter thought my dildo was a teething toy and gave it to our child.
Did you put it in the freezer again?
...I woke up with a yo yo in my underwear...
They found an open window, climbed through and proceeded to arrest half the party. These campus cops are like fucking ninjas.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I know. I just don't want anything else. I have no other desire. Just a ham sandwich.
I honestly don't know what to make of that.
A ham sandwich would be nice.
Sorry about your blender, your tiolet, your weed, and your dog...
I'm eager to hear this explaination.
i understand you have values and thats awesome, all i want to help you do is forget about them breifly
Life for us students isn't all fun and drunken lesbian affairs you know
My day may involve a drug pinata. I LOVE MY LIFE.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
PAAAANTS ARE FOR AAAASSHOLES
I knew there was a problem when things got heated and instead of rushing home I offered to get bagels instead
Who looks around on a bright, sunny day and says, "you know what? Today I'm going to write gay dinosaur erotica"
my gynecologist gave me a high 5 for not getting any STD's since my last visit and said "Way to go Annabeth!" you have twenty seconds to get to my level
Dont worry, the Canadians are more afraid of you then you are of them.
because nothing says “let’s fucking rage” like getting a compensation letter and some company stock
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