Reason #437 to hate Louisiana: Just went to the public bathroom at work. It was so humid the toilet seat was damp and sticky. Either it's the humidity or I sat in somebody's yesterday piss. I choose to believe the humidity.
when she asked me if it was possible to swim under north america i knew it was time to leave.
i just drank the rest of the vodka . Btw why did we put candy corn in it?
I still don't understand how I went from crying to blowing you in like two minutes.
You were doing karaoke. Then you screamed "SHOUTOUT TO ADAM LAMBERT" and started making out with the very surprised looking guy next to you.
I'm allowed to be upset. I've never had that many fingers in my ass
Some kid just stopped wherever he was walking, turned to me, and gave me a slow clap. So I'm pretty sure my walk of shame beats yours.
Just got a Snapchat of his dick with the caption 'We miss you.'
That's true love, there.
I don't send those kind of pictures unless the recipient has already been up close and personal with it. I don't give previews, but I will provide recaps.
People try and tell me I never learn me lesson, well that's a bunch of crap. I asked for Monday off for Superbowl recovery based on my experience last year.
Thursday is not a good day to become a felon... It's bingo night
I finally got my restraining order in the mail. Was that supposed to upset me? I'm just over here like "TELLEM BOY BYE!-\nlegally..."
I jumped the fence at the bar last night. My dress got stuck and I ended up flashing the entire patio for a good 30 seconds.
At the 10 second mark everyone started to whistle and cheer. Free drinks all night
U just kept yelling her vagina wasn't a priority bc u had a bowl of cheerios calling your name
If you wear a peguin suit you MUST send me a picture!!!
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