dude, mark had the least successful cab ride in history last night. took a cab to the bars, stopped at every atm in the city, none worked, then had to come back to the party to beg for 20 to pay the taxi that officially took him nowhere.
My boss just called me into his office to apologize for being an "inadvertant cockblock"
I bet him anal if they won...the one time Detroit decides to win, it had to be this week
i really wish someone from a royal background would fuck me so i could literally say i was 'royally fucked'.
Blonde 1 is sitting on the floor crying and blonde 2 is asleep with her face in the toilet. This isn't what I had in mind when they asked me back
I'm leaving my hospital band on when we go drinking tonight. I'm aiming for pity sex.
My neighbor Chris is here. I am warning you, he is wearing a kilt I just saw his balls. Be incredibly careful that you don't see what I did.
I know. It's cray. Crayon. Crayolaaaaa.
Nothing is better than seeing someone you fucked go to the Olympics. I feel so American.
If the Cards come back I will fly to St Louis and shit in a very public place.
We're gonna be late. Scott went too far predrinking amd tried pierce his own lip with a poptab. Save me a beer, i'm gonna need it.
You also spilled beer on my dog and tried to wipe it off with a paper towel but he kept getting away from you.
Sex to movie scores is my best choice of the year. You've had an orgasm but have you had an orgasm with an entire orchestra.
My hands smell like penis... I can't even remember the last time i touched a penis, but my hands say i did. Oh the mystery.
I am so horny. It's like all the stress of finals week has relocated to my vagina.
Randomize
