Do you think "I had sex with my co-worker last night I don't think I can come in today" is a good excuse?
You told him your wedding ring was part of your costume. not okay!!
wasted. watching meteors, awesome idea i ever had, see 2 for every 1 with ma double vision
I faked it too. I just spit on your bed.
Delete her number from his phone. He keeps slurring how he's going to get her "all sorts of pregnant".
My goal for tonight is to swipe my debit card through those weird rolls on the back of a big bald guy's head.
He thought my hair would soak it up. I HAD TO CUT IT OFF.
Thanks for fucking me in last night
TUCKING. TUCKING ME IN LAST NIGHT
Yup on the verge of buzzed and drunk. I managed to make my way into my cat's box house to fall asleep. I'm comfortable
I have shit my pants twice this week. #adulthood
Is it bad that I tried to build an outfit based around "What do people who use condoms look like when they buy condoms?"
I mean I've seen her tits but I don't know what her voice sounds like
Last night I had a sex dream about Trudeau, he hasn't even been prime minister for 24 hours
I dont understand why so many people are content staying in and avoiding alcohol and sex
Dude it's unhealthy how much I love vagina in my face
Randomize
