The guy at the liquor store just checked my id and said "oh it's you"
I don't know if this beer pong partnership can last if you refuse to look me in the eye when we make sweet sweet clutch cup at the same time.
And for your info. Don't pee outside with glow sticks. People will still see you.
Just took 11th shot of tequila. I may puke in my bear head.
She came to the party dressed as slutty elmo and then called me oscar the grouch for not wanting to bang her in the dumpster outside.
she is way to in-touch with her childhood
So. She dumped me today.
Well, maybe you shouldn't have referred to going down on her as "Dumpster-Diving".
As I am reading this. I'm standing in my underwear eating taquitos. I'm saying this in the most loving way possible: FUCK OFF.
Can't decide if I want to watch full house or the fleet wood Mac concert during the presidential debate.
I WILL PAPERCUT YOUR URETHRA YOU DO NOT STEAL A MANS SECOND BIG MAC
Basically taped my dick down because it's too obvious in this costume...
You informed me your place was now a nudist colony and unless I was there to drink schnapps with the cat I had to strip.
I'm 22 and I'm drinking hawaiian punch from a sippy cup. Everything is right in the world.
They're gonna put "is a hoe" on my medical records
I literally ended up in this basement and was tangoing w my friend and then I peed in a supply closet and had to be put to bed
Can we skype so I'm not drinking alone?
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