Yea and his cousin visited from central and i fucked her i was texting him at work teasin him about it but sent it to his mom by accident
just got a hand job during a movie in class today is gonna be great!
you threw up in the bushes next to the ABC store and kept saying "you're home, blueberry vodka, you're home!"
She said "Lay the fuck down and ill show you how its done. Ill get us both off." I did. And she did. Best words ever said before sex.
My lips are red and swollen. Solid proof that giving head is a viable alternative to lipstick and plumper.
he made his penis look like a sprinkler when he was coming. it was pretty cool actually.
Casually had to file a missing persons report last night
At this point can I suggest a mail away bride. You judge Nick but you are a strange dude and that may be your ticket.
after the shots you kept on yelling "this is for the dreamers"
i may or may not be making depth charges with cough syrup. i'll call you if i survive.
Dude. My tinder just blew up in Seattle. I'm moving here. I don't give a fuck
"You're the only girl I haven't made out with yet" = worst pick up line ever
How did i get home and why am i wearing someone elses shorts?
1. Not sure how 2. You showed up naked, we had to dress you.
I was stuffing my face while buying a brownie and coffee and some kid I fucked came up behind me and said. Someone's hungry.
I would totally suck a dick for some poutine right now
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