I wish I could google chicago male strippers on my work computer but I don't feel like talking to HR today
Packed at 6 am completely wasted. Damage assessment: 12 pairs of socks (no underwear), a flashlight, 3 shorts, shot glass, 8 sweaters, puff paint, one sneaker.
its officail im naming my first born child brickbreaker
I somehow fell asleep on my kitchen counter using the microwave as a pillow
At least he could have found a MILF, she's a dbl bagger. No wonder he goes to counseling.
Yeah..you can't spell Prozac without Zac(h).
Are my feet made of real feet?
You were telling the cab driver that you believe in him and just to follow his dreams
His fucking was so lame I considered painting my nails during...
Sunday Funday has been cancelled indefinitely, due to lack of self control of all parties involved.
I told him that he was essentially a very life-like dildo with a person attached so he needed to stop having feelings because it was getting annoying. He agreed.
Malt liquor mondays...better in theory.
we were sitting in the kitchen and you kept biting my shoulder saying "itll all be over soon"
I can see your house from here
Get off of his fucking roof
There's a fly in my room repeatedly throwing itself at my window, and I feel it's really symbolic of what I want to do with my future
I fucking hate them. They came over and sat on me and made out. On top of me. Who the fuck does that?
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