The sex was so not worth the four dollars it cost to drive over the bridge
theres no cameras in the kitchen right? cause i dont wana get fired for peeing in the kitchen in a cup
he just started chanting dark meat! dark meat! out of no where.
I think they called the cops after 15 minutes of you shaking their clothes line like the ultimate warrior and calling out hulk hogan
I've never felt so inclined to grow a dick. THIS is what the gays in this town have done to me
Sorry about that whole "setting your deck on fire" thing.
Made myself shower before I'd masturbate. I probably should have wined and dined myself too, but that's pushing it too far.
Favor? Can you not wear as much glitter on your face this time? Walking in the house looking like a disco ball was enough embarrassment for the week 😒
She keeps asking if I've seen him... For the last time YES... IN MY BED LAST FRIDAY NIGHT AND THEN AGAIN SATURDAY MORNING
You're the only guy I know who could convince a lady at the pharmacy to trade you her pain pills for your antibiotics.
I accidentally sent my dad a very explicit Star Wars fanfiction and he replied with "That was great!"
yeah the highlight of my day was the 911 operator telling me they had frantically been trying to figure out where i was
we've talked on the toilet we're linked now
i fucked his best friend. once right next door to him. i'm pretty sure that could be called sweet revenge.
I flushed a potato down the toilet so now we have to live in a hotel.
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