This kristen chick is fuckin nuts. She's pyscho. She's a trainwreck. She carries baggage. She's... Perfect.
When I went to court, my judge's name was Honorable Ball. I couldn't stop laughing.
that probably didn't help your case.
he wanted to give me a nickname... my choices were superjugs,godzilla boobs or mouth of fury
So shortly after drunk sex...she starts crying and saying..." you don't care about me, you never do anything nice for me" so I called her a cab
the non-midget kid sent 8,000 texts in a month. the midget parents are pissed. THIS IS EPIC WHEN YOUR HIGH.
Responsibility does not care about your dick.
Just saw a porn entitled "Nad Biter". Redheads are now forever out of the picture.
I'm trying to think of how to explain to the dentist tomorrow that I think I pulled my jaw muscle eating pizza while drunk.
You may or may not have poured bacon fat down her shirt
The stoned girl at the dining hall just handed me a single chicken wing and insisted that she's "unable to procure more rations"
SO HELP ME GOD THERE IS A SPIDER IN THIS PIZZA. IT IS VERY SMALL IT IS INSIDE THE CRUST AND IT IS ALIVE. I'M SO HUNGRY DO I KEEP EATING
Okay so I just had a really great idea
no.
Day one of being single and I've came three times. I can get used to this.
I took the beard trimmer to my balls this morning.\nMuch blood. Much blood from my scrotum.
Don’t judge me
Some of us don’t have access to dick on a constant basis
Randomize
