i think i have reached a jessica simpson level of regret
based on who turned up here tonight the whole evening should just be called "mistakes i made when i was fat"
I just got hit by a car. I'm fine; I'll be to the bars in about 15
Just took a final in the room where I lost my virginity. I think it was god luck.
Just passed a Taco Bell Taco Supreme, still in its wrapper, laying in the grass. I'd like a moment of silence.
May it rest in peace.
Hookup with hot guy from gym, check. Wake up to find he's peed in my closet, double check.
There's a wake for a coworker on 420 during te time of 420... Hoping everyone will be too sad to notice how high I am.
Already at the river; already getting fucked up. And yes that semicolon is legit because those are congruent statemests
Is it malicious or apart of the healing process if I wipe my ass with his toothbrush?
Totally clawed myself in the face during sex. I can die happy?
I broke my heels and ended up on a random party bus where I passed out after a brief stripper pole incident.
This is my college life. Rolling at 4PM on a Wednesday to skrillex in the parking lot of a mexican restaurant.
Also, why does our bed smell like mayonnaise?
If they start to date again I refuse to help her sext him. Helping my mom sext my dad is where I draw the line.
It's slightly odd going to a booty call during morning rush hour with everyone else going to work.
Randomize
