I can't believe the cop was so cool about the whole thing, I mean, I had man mayo all over my jeans.
I hope you're ready because I look like an elf on crack had a baby in the medieval era and that baby grew up to be a whore
She said she didn't have time to shave "there"
Then she shouldn't have had time to order the lobster.
I woke up to my dog trying to clean my vagina.
i am exhausted. it's been years. we both know his dick is small. the jig is up.
If I have to take him to the hospital, I'm drawing dicks on his face
I think I'm about to have sex with a second person before noon hehehhe! You're welcome America.
the bartender cut you off himself after you started walking on tops of tables and hugging random people
Maybe you shouldn't go to cosmic bowling, i don't know if cum glows and I don't wanna find out i'm sure his parents don't either.
Also I think my taxi driver may have just died and we just happen to be on a 35 mph cruise control on 395...
I need a Jamo leash. Just tie it to my wrist and every time you see me reaching for a shot of it, just yank my hand away
Just to warn you I probably wont be able to do anything that involves standing up
His dick is hereby named Charles Dickens. Will's is less cerebral. I'd like to call it Pinnacle like the vodka we drank when we hooked up, but I feel like that's a compliment it doesn't deserve.
I'm tempted to randomly yell out 'SO HOW IS YOUR UNDERAGE GIRLFRIEND' but that would be callous
I think pants incapable of making pants work
Randomize
