And next time, don't pick a fight with me when you're naked. That's just not fair
Just got roadhead in a driving snowstorm. That shit should be a Winter X games event.
All I remember about walking back home was that I maced my shadow.
someone just sent me a bong wrapped in christmas paper in the mail. signed 'santa'.
Apparently I have a urinal in my bedroom
so thats a no on the drunken crutches race 2moro
Yes. Yes. Double yes. I'll bring the tits. You bring the frosting.
Since i didn't have a condom I told him to use jump ship method, I think I was overly invested in my sailor costume this year.
just found out I caught the bouquet at the wedding. I win for being the drunkest yet most functional bridesmaid.
just run out there and shit all over the driveway when he comes.. and then point at him
I either just got free sex or a nice jail sentence. Text me in 10 to verify.
just woke up in a camero on the way to nebraska, i would appreciate it if you answered your phone.
I'm starting to think that birthday sex is just an urban legend. Like the boogey man, and woman orgasms.
And that is why I love you so much. You have the same cold black heart as me.
- I'm finally learning to be functional when I'm high. I feel like this is a milestone.
Randomize
