you kept trying to make scrambled eggs with 3 hardboiled ones.
The stories of what you did in Cuba got home before you.
just did awkward shuffle by the bagels in the dining hall at 7:30 AM with a kid i've hooked up with. goodbye freshman year.
He cooked me dinner. I showed my appreciation by showing up shithoused and breaking a bottle of steak sauce on his floor.
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I just walked by a party bus on my way to study. God hates me.
You told me that you only walk into walls because it makes the room stop spinning.
guy just got out of the car at the drive in and told his girlfriend "fuck you and your taco" and walked off
I ended up driving home on my birthday, he opened the door to puke on the highway, and animal balloons were flying out of the car the entire time. The people behind us got a show.
Apparently my type is "guy whose parents had unprotected sex on Halloween". Last week was my ex's, my FWB's, and the guy I'm seeing's birthdays.
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Aqua-barf. When you are about to puke in the toilet but pass out face first instead...and then puke. WITH YOUR FACE IN THE BOWL. There is no escaping the puke ring you have on your face. I know first hand.
I JUST SAW A SIGN LANGUAGE CATFIGHT
I think I found out what we're going be for Halloween....Alcohol poisoning victims.
Just found an unopened tied g of coke on the floor in her room... she thinks the maintenance guy dropped it earlier today. This takes the cake for sketchiest apartment.
We should. Taco Bell definitely gives me the shits though.
It's girls night. No shame, just febreeze
I came back from England with a face tattoo and the only thing anyone can talk about is my beard.