Texts From Last Night

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  (517): View more from Michigan

  he confessed his love for me, threw up on my pillow and then fell asleep on said pillow. i met him last night.

  (231): View more from Michigan

  better than last weekend. things are really looking up for you.

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  (517): he confessed his love for me, threw up on my pillow and then fell asleep on said pillow. i met him last night. (231): better than last weekend. things are really looking up for you. http://tfl.nu/vawi
  Replies (3) Good night (798) Bad night (2001)
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  (807): View more from Ontario

  discovery: the myth about swedish girls giving good head? not a myth.

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  (807): discovery: the myth about swedish girls giving good head? not a myth. http://tfl.nu/mppt
  Replies (29) Good night (5453) Bad night (529)
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  (832): View more from Houston, Texas

  Then my mouth guard fell out of the hole, so that's how the dog poop got in my mouth.

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  (832): Then my mouth guard fell out of the hole, so that's how the dog poop got in my mouth. http://tfl.nu/8o52
  Replies (17) Good night (663) Bad night (6599)
• Favorite

  (518): View more from New York

  you proceeded to suck on ur pinkie saying it reminded you of chris and you wanted him badly

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  (518): you proceeded to suck on ur pinkie saying it reminded you of chris and you wanted him badly http://tfl.nu/e809
  Replies (23) Good night (750) Bad night (5228)
• Favorite

  (714): View more from California

  Now that my 6 day bender is behind me, I just realized I might have been the one who took a shit in our mailbox that past few days.

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  (714): Now that my 6 day bender is behind me, I just realized I might have been the one who took a shit in our mailbox that past few days. http://tfl.nu/680e
  Replies (8) Good night (1579) Bad night (3450)
• Favorite

  (904): View more from Florida

  When I find myself drinking from a boot I just go with it and refuse to ask why.

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  (904): When I find myself drinking from a boot I just go with it and refuse to ask why. http://tfl.nu/7466
  Replies (7) Good night (2255) Bad night (937)
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  (814): View more from Pennsylvania

  he asked my vagina if she was excited to meet Leonard. LEONARD. His fuckin penis is named Leonard.

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  (814): he asked my vagina if she was excited to meet Leonard. LEONARD. His fuckin penis is named Leonard. http://tfl.nu/0fj9
  Replies (42) Good night (2209) Bad night (4522)
• Favorite

  (706): View more from Georgia

  six ambien and a bong later...he was calling me blueberry princess who need rescuing from the evil oven, and he was sir Eatsalot.

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  (706): six ambien and a bong later...he was calling me blueberry princess who need rescuing from the evil oven, and he was sir Eatsalot. http://tfl.nu/rrmy
  Replies (6) Good night (1396) Bad night (429)
• Favorite

  (607): View more from New York

  Are we talking about who knows if I'll get naked pictures of you with a broadsword or who knows if I'll be surprised?

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  (607): Are we talking about who knows if I'll get naked pictures of you with a broadsword or who knows if I'll be surprised? http://tfl.nu/o7ko
  Replies (4) Good night (757) Bad night (376)
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  (305): View more from Florida

  It feels like there's puke trying to explode out of me from behind my eyeballs.

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  (305): It feels like there's puke trying to explode out of me from behind my eyeballs. http://tfl.nu/6i5r
  Replies (4) Good night (361) Bad night (1080)
• Favorite

  (217): View more from Illinois

  I need a "closed for the season, thanks for a great summer" sign for my vagina

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  (217): I need a "closed for the season, thanks for a great summer" sign for my vagina http://tfl.nu/lruw
  Replies (8) Good night (1345) Bad night (580)
• Favorite

  (+61): View more from Australia

  I went eBay shopping last night. Turns out I brought a Viking drinking horn. I can't even be mad.

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  (+61): I went eBay shopping last night. Turns out I brought a Viking drinking horn. I can't even be mad. http://tfl.nu/47hi
  Replies (3) Good night (938) Bad night (195)
• Favorite

  (832): View more from Houston, Texas

  i had a super strange, mommy/daddy issuestastic, mildly freudian, i-might-as-well-become-a-stripper-now-and-stop-fighting-the-inevitable dream last night :(

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  (832): i had a super strange, mommy/daddy issuestastic, mildly freudian, i-might-as-well-become-a-stripper-now-and-stop-fighting-the-inevitable dream last night :( http://tfl.nu/r8m8
  Replies (5) Good night (384) Bad night (283)
• Favorite

  (270): View more from Kentucky

  i told her i loved her afterwards and she said "i know," kissed me, and got up to start making breakfast.

  (618): View more from Illinois

  dude, she han solo'd you. keep her.

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  (270): i told her i loved her afterwards and she said "i know," kissed me, and got up to start making breakfast. (618): dude, she han solo'd you. keep her. http://tfl.nu/viok
  Replies (2) Good night (1381) Bad night (208)
• Favorite

  (775): View more from Nevada

  And I'm glad you're waiting to invite him over. he may have a weird penis thing and then dinner becomes awkward.

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  (775): And I'm glad you're waiting to invite him over. he may have a weird penis thing and then dinner becomes awkward. http://tfl.nu/jda5
  Replies (1) Good night (146) Bad night (317)

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