Yea and his cousin visited from central and i fucked her i was texting him at work teasin him about it but sent it to his mom by accident
Gettin pulled over, can you watch my dog and pay the bils for a while?
big game today.. looking forward to seeing that magic win, and then i will celebrate with a nude dip in lake Eola.. anyone else in??
He said he had bite marks on his back... Turns out he had to throw me over his shoulder, and I was really reluctant.
I turn the corner to find her walking in the front door in a tee-shirt, two different shoes and no pants. All she said to me was "I'm sad"
Just saw out breathalyzer tubes from last night on the side of the road. Glad the cop let us know that they are biodegradable
A gay black guy with blonde hair and a gold tooth just told me he would shit on my face.
Now it's a party.
just watched a cripple ollie in his wheelchair to get on to the elevated floor in the bar. I. LOVE. WISCONSIN
Pot head idea of the day: make a maraca out of weed seeds. Or a rain stick? Definitely rain stick.
this is the first time i'm angry at someone with so much boobs. she like managed to break my glass and my phone with one glorious swing
Just saw the guy I slept with last night in a bar. He gave me a high five and kept moving
I drank enough to tranq a steed. You really missed out
The party was Hollywood themed and I won an oscar for "finest ass in a leading role"
Can I chase this vodka with an onion?
I'm in jersey with marbles.. He's blasted about to fuck a manatee and his entire family is trying to stop it. His mother punched me in the chest for not trying hard enough