He told me he had an exgf. and didnt follow up with"and now i like guys."
So the "just a friend" kid confessed his love for me...sometimes I hate how awesome I am.
this guy is so high, he just ate half of a frozen blueberry muffin and half of a frozen poppyseed muffin, then proceeded to make a "hybrid poppyberry muffin"
until you tell me otherwise ill assume we're playing "cavity search" the homeland security game to spice up our sex life
you know it's bad when you need sunglasses to open the refrigerator
Dude i'm seriously thinking about his nipples.
I was passed out in a dog food bowl tor two hours. Just tapped my dinner beer. I love homecoming.
Don't mind the bowl full of ashes in the sink. I meant to set that on fire.
I'm gonna hire strippers dressed like the founding fathers.
Exactly. Motivated vaginas are the best kind of vagina
A man just sang Jennifer Lopez to me out his car window. I am not sure how I feel about this, but it is not positively.
It takes a special kind of Adderall to make me go to the hardware store, buy paint, and paint tiny polka-dots on all four of my bedroom walls.
Dude, I came home and you were passed out halfway through the front door in your Minnie Mouse outfit... with a beer still in hand
You now have the mental image of me flying off into the sunset with no pants
Yeah, last night in the parking lot was hot. I'm sure whoever has the surveillance tapes thinks so too.