CAN CRIS ANGEL JUST LOOK NORMAL FOR ONCE?!
My Vagina smells like Nemo again.
My recently uploaded pictures to facebook: Me partying on Beale St. with a single girl on each arm. Ex's recently upload pictures: Several pictures of cats. I win.
My body has become completely dependent on Text Twist. I can't poop without it.
did you know that snuggie is the perfect anti-freak out aid for stoners? it weighs you down so you can't go anywhere. just sit there and enjoy the movie, that's right.
Yea. You cant just squeeze my balls. They are sensitive
I love her to death but its like you have to do 5 lines of coke to be on her level.
As far as drugs go, alcohol has all the elegance and precision of hitting yourself in the head with a hammer.
I respect the size of her balls.
Yeah but I don't respect the size of her anything else.
Half of my brain feels like I donated it to science and they basically just poured jack Daniels on it and put out cigarettes into it before returning it to my skull
And we're now at 8 people from the office coming to my desk to ask me "do you feel better?".
If you enjoy dance recitals as much as I do, that's one shitty Father's Day...
My life is literally "I'm too horny you can't leave" or "let's have pie" there's like no inbetween
I changed his name in my phone to "Irrelevant" last night. Not changing it back.
I JUST BROKE A NAIL MASTURBATING. WTF I could even enjoy my orgasm bc now I'm gonna have to spend $50 on my nails.