Help i just walked in on mom blowing dad
the ice cream truck is coming omgomg
dude, it's 2 am.
but its COMING
This martini tastes like the bartender stirred it with his foreskin.
Ah that type of Dick. I think my phones trying to make me less of a whore by capitalizing Dick. That way it looks like I'm talking about a dude not penis
People Are Arguing Over This Guy’s Petty Reaction To Splitting Lunch With His Co-Worker
Oh my gosh they are following me around the bar
Blow your rape whistle
Just orgasmed in canada. I should get a sticker or something that says I orgasmed in a different country.
I'm gonna make a mold of your dick so I can make popsicles
Speaking of ejaculate, did you get the side of your car cleaned off?
I swear god is testing me by giving me awesome guys with tiny penises
Girl Logs Into Twitter Only To Find Out Her Dad Is Trending For The Most Outrageous Reason
why can't I meet attractive men at the places I like to hang out? like books a million. or the liquor store.
Finals drinking + forgeting you had to take your ambien because you work at 6am mid paper= drunk logic which then entails going on a "detox" run. Puking your guts put in the field house bushes while some random guy says to you "its okay. We're marching on."
I'm working on a search warrant...can u pick up box of Chardonnay...I'll give u cash when u get here...
Yea... I love that ur a prosecutor and drink box wine
I'm not even the least bit surprised that I whored myself out for tiramisu
I literally JUST MADE IT to the liquor store. I bought a box of wine with the lights off
She wanted a dick pic so I sent her brett Favres dick pic then she asked why I have pictures of old men's beautiful dicks