He called me an ungrateful bitch because I lauged when he asked me "how do you me and a bed sound?"
Like I should be grateful for the 5 minutes I sit on top of him and stare at the wall.
I just realized I've stolen a hat from every guy I fucked. Except the last one. Maybe there is hope for me.
all ill say about last night is that we tried to stop you. oh and the bus you're on is going to nashville.
In hindsight buying the pill crusher with my vicodin prescription might have been too much.
Yes, that was ME getting carried out of the club singing 'i believe i can fly'
You just met him on Thursday, and you've already nicknamed him Golden Penis?
Sorry I kept grabbing your vagina at the casino. I believed it was my lucky unicorn to win bonuses
She was grinding on him and then she was eating a Big Mac. Who the hell brings a Big Mac to the club?
hey now, it was 6 bucks for 5 shots. you would have lost your panties too.
My mother just made an innapropriate gesture with a cucumber while grocery shopping at whole foods... Then she said "bitches love cucumbers" and all this time i thought i was adopted
I'm developing all these feelings it's disgusting.
I would say that that is the last time I ever drink a bottle of jack in two hours, but really who am I kidding?
Doing coke by yourself isn't as fun. Even when you're watching a James Franco movie.
Is it weird to smoke a bong with a client from work?
she keeps trying to brush her hair with leaves and insisting she's not high
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