he keeps calling me but I'm too scared to answer... Not sure what he's gonna yell at me for: barging into his room while he was with another girl, filling her shoes with dog food and water, or hiding his keys in the garbage disposal.....
Pre-game strategy: play thunder by yourself in the shower. Surprisingly, success.
We almost died tonight..we almost die every night. but tonight was the closest by far
We were just talking bout putting on helmets and going fo a car ride just to see how ppl react. I will def fit in here haha
I stared at his lazy eye for so long, he thought I had one too. Then we bonded over our lazy eyes. I had to fake one all night. My head is fucking killing me. NEVER pretend to have a lazy eye.
I'm eating ramen over the toilet. Fuck my life
I'm still drunk. I put on workout clothes this morning and just puked in my bathroom. That's the same as going to the gym, right?
Let's never forget the time I met you while you were running down the street naked and in handcuffs.
I woke up with a cutting board and a bag of uncooked pasta next to me.
just wanted to eat pizza off his dick so he let me and he can never forget it
I'm serenading his dick with my words. I understand how poets get inspiration now.
LMAO. Stop. Men are such gentleman these days. I woke up with no one beside me and you got 6 cents
6 cents and no orgasm 💃🏻🎉
We are so blessed
Note to Self: Never again eat a weed brownie by yourself two hours before a tornado warning in your exact location.
look, im sorry that i yelled at your little brother, threw my car keys at him and smashed a stale cookie with a pool cue, but i swear to god i didn't poop on the floor. it was one of your dogs.
Never let the horse trainer ride you, always ride the horse trainer. I have huge bruises on my thighs from his hip bones. That's how hard he rode me
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