I just accidently deleted 60 gigs of porn from my external hard drive. Thats over 300 pornos! I think im gonna cry.
Im surprised that you are even able to text me right now.
Also do the "tongue the pee-hole" thing.
I asked what she wanted from Hawaii. She said a baby like Aaden from JK 8.
where am I supposed to find one of those?
Is it standard protocol to defriend someone after they give you chlamydia?
He said he wanted to have kids with me so they could grow up to be professional linebackers. Not. A. Complient.
You guessed 7 of 8 bra sizes correctly. You're like a drunk rainman.
I think it's time we have the "weird fetish" talk.
I wonder what my nutrition professor is going to think when I have to put 21 keystone lights, a bottle of merlot wine, and 5 rum and cokes and 4 shots of tequila on my dietary analysis
the only good thing about him lasting five minutes was that nobody thinks i had sex with him or that im a slut because we were only in the bathroom for five minutes
How did it go last night?
Woke up head half shaved and a burrito? So good and bad?
You don't understand. If you watched a video of the shenanigans that occurred in my life over the past 48 hours you would gasp worse than the girl who witnessed me puking in my bag at the children's hospital
Nothing makes me happier than finding out someone else is pregnant and it's not you.
I'm watching the World Cup in bed naked with john and our USA flag aviator glasses. Can you say America?
There are 6 of us in a mini cooper and his maid is in the trunk...she needed a ride.
He was gone when I woke up. But he left skid marks on my sheets and our unopened bottle of Titos is missing
New Rule: No more sleepovers with guys we met on Reddit
Randomize
