I made my friend ***** cry when I wouldn't let her call u for an orgy at 3am...I didn't think you'd be to happy being woke up
That's intense
Reach down the front of your pants and feel around for a while. When you find your balls, leave the library and meet me at the bar.
i have to start hiding my credit card when i drink i woke up this morning with 4 emails from Farmville telling me i spent over $800 on coins last night
Dude she has a fucking rock collection. Never will I ever talk to her again.
I don't care. I'm going to fuck John's friend and it's all your fault.
So if we break up over this are you still gonna come over and do my dishes?
I bought this skirt with every intention to have it wrapped around my tits by the end of the night. So, I'm not a whore. I'm a self-fulfilling prophecy.
Please save me from this creative non fiction class. I just wrote a paper about how I spend unhealthy amounts of time with my cat.
I spend unhealthy amounts of time watching RuPaul's Drag Race.
I referred to the cat as amicable.
We broke up in downtown Nashville with drunken, blow up penis waving bachelorette parties walking by. For some reason I can see this ending up as a country music video.
I dont know what we smoked last night but I woke up and found out I started writing a book called White Trash Princess. Its the best thing Ive ever read
Just gave my pregnant cat a safe sex talk. That high.
He just showed up. He's like 5'8 and brought a beer pong table that has " I love gay boys" on it. How could this go wrong
Don't be surprised if I hand out mini dildos on Halloween
FINALLY GOT MY TENTH DICK. PARTY FOREVER
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