i woke up under my mattress pad with him laying naked next to me and his wwjd bracelet on my nightstand.
nice, that's exactly what jesus would do.
Is it sad i was sitting here thinkin how i would only fuck Rob Pattinson if he was glittery at said time.
best part, i was ridiculous and none of them were judging me bc they didn't want my vagina. it was like i was a pretty painting
I'm way too horny to be at work right now. I think it might be legally irresponsible to leave me alone with cucumbers.
Apparently I texted my high school english teacher asking her to tell me what logical fallacies she taught us three years ago.
We should celebrate the resignation of Berlusconi tonight with too many bottles of wine and sambuca. We're allies, right?
When he saw my tits he said "wow you should be proud.
I am the Angelina Jolie to his Billy Bob Thorton. We just don't work.
She said her name is "Goose" and regardless of her being a lesbian, sometimes she just "needs a good dick"
I'm not strong. I'm hormonal, sad, lonely, and trying to get laid via tinder
I swear if you help me with this I will eat you out and buy you all the Taco Bell you want.
We put you in the box and you started to cry, that's how high you were.
And a hot pocket after we fucked. Heaven.
The day will come again young grasshopper. For now you must complete your training of patience and tongue biting
HER BOYFRIEND CAME HOME WHILE WE WERE GETTING IT ON IN THE SHOWER
At least you smelled nice while he kicked your ass.
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