So I just almost came on my own face I had to dodge it as it was flying by...that was a first
did you know they have Ed Hardy school supplies at Target? it's like folders and notebooks for little douchebags in training.
Memo to the bitch sitting across from me at Swamp: no one thinks you're classy with your Louis Vuitton and your Burberry scarf when you're dragging on that cig like it was the last cock on earth and you needed cum for sustenance.
It must be a full moon weekend. All of my weird booty calls are coming out of the woodwork. I spent 40 minutes on the phone last night telling one why he is so creepy.
it was 5AM and you were field goal kicking solo cups into the sink
You have to understand, this is the first time I'm looking at a whopper sober.
We're learning about the color wheel. Hello college.
I've taken to hiding pictures of us around his room so that he'll forever feel guilty for dumping me on Valentine's Day... And to potentially cock block any hook ups.
Hes flirting with her via the sauce packets at taco bell....... I have no words
After a little too much, I decided public urination was a constitutional right.. Nearly got deported for that one
the good news is that even if it's Alex's, I can still say it's Colin's, because the kid will come out ginger anyway!
who knew there'd be a plus side to your ginger fetish one day?
WHAT IS HAPPENING
A FLOCK OF DICKS IS MIGRATING TOWARDS US.
Apparently I was having great conversation with this 48 year old on grindr & he was concerned as to how I was getting home.
He stopped me mid-blow job to say that his new year's resolution was to stop hooking up. MID FUCKING BLOW JOB.
may or may not have snorted a line of tums... wtf.
Randomize
