This guy told us that for a dollar and two cigarettes he'd let Megan stomp on his crotch. We were gonna refuse, but we figured someone had to keep him from passing his stupid genes along.
My face smells like last night's lay. I need a whore bath. Or a corndog.
Apparently the library doesn't care about celebrating the day Jesus became a zombie.
She said i saw her in the study room, waved, disappeared, came back with a coke from god knows where, and slurred "i have a drinking problem but i ate grits"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
My dick was out way too much saturday not to get laid
you put your hands over the taxi driver's eyes and shouted GUESS THE WAY TO THE CLUB
I JUST ATE A STRANGE BURRITO, I SHOULD NOT BE EXPECTED TO KNOW ANYTHING RIGHT NOW.
I just quit my job so I could get dick this weekend. I'm pretty sure my need for dick is much more important than the customers' needs.
What did the sign say that bob stapled to his ass?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I am such a fucking liability at weddings. I ended up making out with this married 40-year-old that told me that basically if I came home with him and be a sex partner for him and his wife, I would never have to pay for anything again. Extremely considered it.
Do you know how difficult it is to masturbate with Christmas carols stuck in your head?!
that lady just saw me taking a picture of her baby... It's time to leave.
I called plan parenthood at 407 am... Guess I was thinking ahead
I climbed on the arm of the futon, flapping my hand fan frantically and hissing imprecations at the smoke detector
I don’t care that he’s a decade younger. He’s cute and I need a good penising
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