You know you're hung over when your pose in art class is lying face down on the platform
EW EW EW EW THAT PENIS BELONGS TO SOMEONE'S FATHER! THAT PENIS BELONGS TO OUR FRIEND'S FATHER! THAT PENIS HELPED CREATE OUR FRIEND! YOU'RE NOT ALLOWED TO ADMIRE IT!
he drunk texted me to give me his number with the message "i gotchu pretty eyeso" i can't tell if he's complimenting me or himself.
It started with jello shots. It ended with tears.
Indeed. Apparently I called my sisters and told them I wouldn't get arrested because it's not a real sword.
My birthday is in 11 days. Going ham. Consciousness will not be an option
This is what happens when wu tang raised you
Sneaking the vodka in was the easy part.. listening to medley of puking in the porta pottys was not
Dude I was walking down the street and threw up in a plastic cvs bag. Tequila wins again.
Walking my dog and eating a taco in last night's dress.. Classy
He made me cum via FaceTime, then he made me look at his stock investment charts..
Hey guys so who is Justin McGoo and why did I text him "fuck yooooouuu juuuustiiin mcgooo" at 12:06am on Thursday night?
We were too tired to finish having sex so we just stopped to eat the cheesecake and passed out. I didn't mind
I just don't think it's that outlandish to ask that I don't get messages from my husband at 8:30pm on a Wednesday telling me he peed on our cat
I told him he had to put his dick inside of me at approx 1159 to ensure it was birthday sex. i was 19 when he entered me.. came out 20. winning.
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