I love that she's always that person who people think it's a good idea to invite her to something. and then she's there and you realize, "nope."
Just saw my father's penis. Don't know what to say.
Definitely just put my car on cruise control so I could stick my head out of the sunroof while driving to taco bell.
You do realize there's a subtle difference between not remembering your outfit from april 17th of last year vs forgetting that last night you undressed in the street and were grabbing every dick you could reach, right?
I think that "I fucked your little brother" wasn't the best way to introduce yourself.....
I swear with his long flowing hair and god-like body he looked like Jesus, a bong hitting Jesus
Everybody in the immediate area is hooking up like it's doomsday
WHY AM I NOT THERE?
Just specific performance'd my way into her pants. I literally said specific performance and that shit worked. Thanks B. Law!
I have meat and whiskey. will you bring condoms?
Yeah the last text says "How many your ass,,,,, prepare it" so take that for what it is
So the revenge porn my ex posted just resulted in a contract with a gay porn company. I'm going to make $8,000 this weekend. That would a breakup checkmate. Are you joining me in the legislative committee hearing tomorrow?
I need to be her Aladdin, and show her the world. The sex world.
I mean, what's the polite way to say, "sorry but I can't date you cuz I'm sleeping with your boss" ??
I feel like he doesn't realize we're offering him a threeway with sisters and I don't understand how that's possible.
Maybe we should bring mom next time.
Pretty sure I just pissed straight whiskey...
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