My roommate and I had a nyquil contest. The nyquil won.
So the bouncer told me I could leave the easy way or the hard way. I told him I was going to make him earn his 10 bucks that hour.
Apparently you chose the latter.
you definitely have a few illegitimate kids
probs. Not too worried about it though. MOst girls are too embarrassed that they let me into their pants that they'll never admit its mine
Ya know, years from now when that kid is old enough, I'll get to regale him with the story of how I was his father's AND uncle's first gay experience.
We are lost. Everyone is drunk and it all went downhill after we iced the bus driver.
The fact that its 530pm and I'm saying to myself I should sober up since I'm at a family establishment should say enough
You try staying up all night fucking a guy with a curved dick and see how much you want to go out after that.
truck drivers should not leave their trucks unlocked with cigarettes inside when we're drunk and walking around.
I'm sensing a Yuletide blow job in your future and by future I mean tomorrow
telling her she was ovary-acting wasn't the greatest idea. doing it in a text so she could see your spelling was where you really went wrong, though.
This chick had a microhand. Fucking, like, jerking off a baby carrot would make it look like corn.
You were definitely drunk. You gave him an otphj in front of everyone.
Also, for real, though? Did we even have sex or were we just jumping on the bed drunk and naked...because with me that's actually a possibility.
Not sure, she said after cussing out the dentist they called security. Make that the first person I know 86'ed by a dentist.
Literally.... Guy kissing himself in mirror in this hotel elevator
Randomize
