he was like Britney Spears in bed.. a little chubby and too medicated to perform.
This girl in my class is wearing a sweatshirt that says "LEAD ME NOT INTO TEMPTATION" ahaha I almost just laughed out loud. We could never be friends
Now we are really drunk and her 17 yr old cousin is shitfaced. He may or may not have proposed a toast to octopuses and double fisting. And we just drank to Mexico.
Nothing on google about my condom issue. However, if you get a chance google: condom with teeth.
I feel compelled to tell you that I woke up this morning and found an entire corn on the cob in my purse. Ive decided not to question my drunken behavior anymore, and to just accept it as my lifestyle.
my life has come down to walking through campus and wondering if every guy is the random i made out with saturday
I specifically found a fat girl to lift me up on her shoulders.\n\nIt was glorious.
I really resent how she stayed home and ruined my plans to watch sci-fi and masturbate.
He said he cried as he watched porn yesterday; I'd say he's taking the break-up pretty bad....
It looks like a baby bear tried to chew off my nipples.
I guess that means I was blowing a nerd last week.
And loving it.
I just woke up naked next to a GetGo sandwich and I can hear my cats are eating my combos. So that's my life.
This is Ryan, Kristin's husband. I don't know if you meant to send that pic to me at 3am. You may want to call Kristin. Neat piercing though.
I wish u could call a dildo. Like you do a missing cell phone.
Looking back at our past texts, the minute it turned 2020 you were cleaning your house and I was dying of the cold. We were prophesying the Rona.
Randomize
