I've come to the conclusion that as a grad student I would much rather prefer to get laid then get drunk
I think you know full well that a few years ago my stance was the polar opposite
I denied three guys and puked everywhere because I love you.
I'm at the laundry mat. This guy is here showing me his ankle monitor. The weird ones always find me.
I swear if it wasn't for meeting for drug dealers @ gas stations, i would never remember to get gas.
Tried to eat a chip. Mouth wouldn't cooperate. Nearly died. Wow I've missed this.
She said we could only have sex if she got to keep her fake moustache on during
I am making pancakes and watching Spongebob Squarepants. My life is a waste of youth.
Bartender just fed me brownie. Its going to be a good night
Turning 21 will be slightly bittersweet. Never again will I be able to get underage drunk at Disney World, now I'll only be able to get legal drunk and that just sets a whole different and sad tone for my life.
Dude, get out of Andrea's vagina and call me back
Oh and apparently something happened that was related to "THIS IS SPARTA" but no one will tell me what I did.
So I'm going to blame my boobs hurting on that.
I've got to stop fucking tourists. If Chicagos piazza is anything like their dicks. I'm moving.
Leave it to me to pull up my boyfriend’s grandfather’s obituary just to find out the name of his sister.
It will be the shitshow of all shitshows.
So as you were leaving, you leaned on the table too much and 3 glasses slid and fell to the floor. You then looked at me and said "To be honest, glass isnt that expensive anyways" and stumbled out of the bar.
Randomize
