Billy Mays died!
I know. And the US is beating brazil...what's wrong with the world?
I wish Pampers made couches for people like us.
I have one brief flash of having his dick in my hand. that's all I remember.
so you had a one ended conversation with the toilet las night in between barfs. you kept telling the toilet how strong it was because its gone through a lot of shit in its life.
drunk me is so punny.
A horse told me not to drive home last night. I think there was a cop on top of it.
my mom used to put diet coke in my bottle. i can pretty much handle anything.
Last night was the twilight zone. We hungout with our 45 year old future selves and tried to fuck everything with a dick. Lets move forward from this.
Disregard the shoes in the freezer.
Is this the girl that wrote "Poon Slayer" across my chest?!
For future reference "bring our litter sisters on our date day" is not such a good idea
I'm just gonna get real fat and join the circus.
I think I may have some undocumented and undiscovered std that causes girls to go bat shit crazy. How you got it is beyond me
I give up. I can't handle that class sober any longer. I have an army of whiskey shooters for the next three weeks. Wish me luck.
Personally, I'm gonna be Sexy Dobby the House Elf.
I miss my bedroom and my bed and being able to spray myself with my choice of 15 different perfumes so I don't have to wake up to the smell of my past sins
Randomize
