peeing is so easy when youre drunk. you just tell your body to pee and it pees.
In the airport and just saw a little boy put his head in his mother's crotch... I guess he took a whiff because he backed up and said loudly, "mommy your pee-pee is stinky!"
she must of just birthed a child cause her labia touched the floor
It started as a joke and ended with a trip to the emergency room, a broken macbook and a gigantic hole in the concrete of my driveway.
3 months til "no sober october" start prepping now. i cant have you bitch out on me halfway through like last year.
Its a first. Never been peed on in a line to concert. First time for everything.
She kept telling me it was a squirtgun.
Just realized I'm going to have to make you sign a non-disclosure agreement before my wedding.
woke up to find i out made out with his roommate before hooking up with him. breakfast was awkward to say the least
You kept yelling "NO CAPES" at me for no apparent reason
Thanks for coming out I think haley is drunk enough for breast milk White Russians
I hear jingle bells and I can't tell if it's bc I'm feeling festive or just REALLY high
I told my parents how nice the girl at the frogurt store was. I neglected to mention that I nearly lost my virginity to her via foursome.
Looks like it rained condoms in my room last night
So how often do you needs to see my tits today then?
We were playing fuck marry kill and he was eavesdropping so I said I would fuck him
It was like catching dick in a barrel
Randomize