I asked her if she watches the office. She said no, but do you watch I'm a celebrity get me outa here? That's when i knew. Deal breaker
yeah so i didn't even realize i was on meth until the next morning
New swimming pool is best sex toy ever. We are pioneering the doggie-style paddle.
Turns out I wasn't throwing up blood, I just threw up so hard it ripped my tonsils. Thank you Jameson.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Quick question... Can I call you daddy? Or would that just really made the whole 8 year age gap a bigger deal...?
Don't ever tell me I'm a bad friend. I woke up at 7 this morning to drive your mistake home because you wouldn't get up.
hotel security told us you walked into the hotel with blood all over your dress, weren't wearing any underwear and were escorted back by three men who were believed to be "homosexuals".
im not even sure if i fucked her just woke up in her closet.
I'm lonelier than Tom Hanks in Cast Away, right meow. Ready to make this bong my Wilson.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
It is too early in this hangover to be seeing some guys ass crack.
It felt as i were a pad of butter melting onto a piece of toast.
No it's only my right leg that feels like it's about to fall off. The left is fine.
Sorry about waking up naked in your bed this morning.
If I die write a nice eulogy and bury me with my star wars bobbleheads
He screamed, "Let there be light!" when he came
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