11am puke and rally. THIS is what I'm gonna miss about college.
This needs to stop. I just vacuumed the wall. Adderall is a double edged sword.
By the end of the night i was making legitimate noises not just saying moo.
I think i blacked out...but i remember licking your teeth
All I remember is him trying to go down on me, but I guess I was too busy making out with his brother
theres 2 cans of open Campbell's soup on the counter and a note that says "guess which one is puke" ... want lunch?
But he does seem to be getting proper humping etiquette down. So there's progress.
Oh you have the munchies, Dad? That's great and congratulations on the weed but STOP EATING MY APPLE PIE
I couldn't do it. You can't break up after that many orgasms. It's physically impossible.
You are not going to get a pat on the back from me for not fucking that 40 year old again.
So your contact has been changed to "jizz weave" in my phone. Now, as strange and random as that may be, I'm slightly embarrassed to say that I have more than one contact that fits that description so please identify yourself.
I will expect an hourly check text to confirm you are alive and that you aren't dead in a ditch somewhere with a hobo dry humping your corpse
All I'm saying is the next time I see him naked, there better be something in it for me that doesn't end in bailing him out of jail.
Indeed. If boner pill commercials have taught us anything, it's the importance of waiting until the moment is right.
Where else would I get life advice?
Socially acceptable to sleep in a booth in the library? Its not finals but I dunno if I can make it back to south. Too drunk.
Randomize
