Maybe if you date her you can take a dump on her
just realized I'm too high to take the plastic off a slice of cheese....
I just found a 1/2 inch of mimosa in my shoe.
You should get more absorbent shoes.
I just watched a woman break three wood planks with her boobs. I don't know how I feel about that
So much for not drinking this week after this weekend.. Congratulations. U made it until tuesday.
I have six drafts of messages to you that just say "blood" and I have no idea where they came from.
At least in the future when we're all real people we can laugh about the time we all had scabies together?
Someone just bought me a one liter long island and call me maybe is on. I'm going to die
Seriously. My vagina. Can we talk about it? It's gonna jump off this treadmill and devour my trainer.
I felt like in order for him to make it to mordor and destroy the ring, he'd have to make sweet sweet love to me in some form of hut or cave.
exhale infront of a fan. self shotgun.
YOU BROUGHT HANDCUFFS TO THE WHITE ELEPHANT EXCHANGE AND DIDN'T TELL ME???
A guy I hooked up with YEARS ago just endorsed me on LinkedIn for "customer service".
Seriously, I really just burned my nipple making ravioli.. I'd explain, but no reasoning makes this acceptable:/
Hey mike is locked out, sleeping on the common room couch, no idea where his pants are nor does he know where he is. When you get this let him in? And let me know ur alive too!
Randomize
