I hope you're ready because I look like an elf on crack had a baby in the medieval era and that baby grew up to be a whore
i think i just saw hanson at the grocery store. one might have been a girl. hard to tell. lets call that one taylor.
you rubbed the head of my dick and said "I shall call you Squishy and you shall be mine and you shall be my Squishy."
I just washed champagne and tuna off my body. I feel like that was a successful shower.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
you came home soaking wet, and when I asked where your umbrella was, you pulled it out of your bag and were so proud you kept it dry.
only you would end up drunk at a subway with a one-eyed homeless man
Is this helping you get pumped up or am I going to have to send you more dick pics?
She told me she was eating frosting, then I got the weirdest boner ever
I wish you were awake and high the same times I was awake and high. And also in the same state. So we can fuck passionately.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
People shouldn't leave you two alone together. You're just going to end up having sex.
You forgot the part where I played Slip and Slide with my own puke and fucked up my knee.
This girl is wasted dancing to The Final Countdown. She's grinding on a guy who came to the bar in a track jacket and a wife beater
If you had amazing eyebrows i'd have sex with them.
I feel like I smell like bad decisions
She was a cheerleader in college and President of her sorority and now she’s a sales rep for a pharmaceutical corporation. “High maintenance hot” doesn’t even begin to explain it
But dear lord is it worth it
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