I hate it when I can only see straight when I close one eye. I feel like that deserts the purpose of seeing with two eyes
he asked me to smell his eyeballs.
Idgaf if he's a manwhore, he's like the mt. everest of penises. howcan I NOT try to put that inside me?
He crawled over to me grabbed my boob asked me if I liked cats and then passed out. If that's really my RA, it's gonna be a long year
He just had a handle of vodka with ice in it yelling at people hot august night mother fuckaaaaa and was pouring it on his face
"But puppies!" Is not an acceptable excuse for trying to drunkenly steal someone's dog, you promiscuous midget!!
His ex-girlfriend just gave his current girlfriend the heimlach omg omg omg help this is so awkward
She really has to stop the coke at some point. Won't she run out of money eventually?
Won't she run out of nose eventually?
I woke up in his bed wearing nothing but a penn state hat. We are....
If you kill yourself you won't get to feel that feeling when you have a good shit in the morning. Arent you gonna miss that?
First thing I find in the car I just pick up from my grandpa? A discount card for the strip club down the road from his apartment. The force is still strong.
I put the area codes from ludacris' "area codes" into our expensive data visualization software at work, it's been a productive day
IT WAS JUST SO LITTLE AND AWKWARDLY FLOPPING BACK AND FORTH
I got a discount on the lube for giving the cashier focaccia bread from work.
He's a freak. Not like "freak in the bed" freak but like "eats glue in the weekends" freak.
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