Totally saw a hot amputee. I think this is called character growth.
I needed to borrow my dads nail clippers and next to it was an industrial size box of condoms if that wasnt bad enough I dropped the clippers behind the bed and discovered hundreds of used condoms
so he let me use one of the toothbrushes that came in his daughters 4 pack, purple glittery toddler toothbrush, the next time i came back his wife has used their label maker and put my name on it...
But I always wanted my obit to read "Died violently in casino orgy," not "Never woke up from rectal surgery."
I'm pretty sure I just overheard my boss call his sperm precious metal...
Haha pretty bummed I didn't stay night yesterday after the bj fest you described
Complete silence. Background Willy Wonka music. An empty back of Lay's BBQ chips. These are the ingredients for an extreme acid trip.
How did I roll 7 times this month and survive?\nI must be some sort of ecstasy goddess
No one is allowed to go to bed until all bottles are finished, I don't want to feel my face tongiht. Do you understand?
Is this a drinking picnic?
Is there another kind?
Did I run into a tree or get punched in the face?
Both.
I just ironed my gstring.. this is please fuck my brains out on a whole new level.
He asked me for a pic so I sent him a pic of my boyfriends dick.
I was going to say that I wasn't sure how that happened... but then I remembered that I bonded with the Australians over vitamins and INXS and they bought me tequila.
I found half a candy bar in my bra today... Melted to my nipple. What a mess. It was still good though.
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